III. The God of Sickness, P 4
4 To believe a Son of God is sick is to worship the same idol he does. God created love, not idolatry. All forms of idolatry are caricatures of creation, taught by sick minds too divided to know that creation shares power and never usurps it. Sickness is idolatry, because it is the belief that power can be taken from you. Yet this is impossible, because you are part of God, Who is all power. A sick god must be an idol, made in the image of what its maker thinks he is. And that is exactly what the ego does perceive in a Son of God; a sick god, self-created, self-sufficient, very vicious and very vulnerable. Is this the idol you would worship? Is this the image you would be vigilant to save? Are you really afraid of losing this?
Journal
I have made a lot of progress toward accepting that the world is not real, that my life as I am experiencing it is not really my life, and that everything I see, everything I experience through my senses is an image I have made, including the body that experiences it. I am spirit, awareness, mind, whatever name I choose to give it. I am part of God, in God, and that is as far as I can go with it without feeling a little anxious.
Yes, I say I am the Son of God and I know this must be true for any of the rest of it to be true. But if I am in God, if He created me as an extension of Himself and like Him, then I am a God, too. Oh my, that is just too strange for me to say. I feel like I must say this, and yet I feel like apologizing for saying it. I don’t know if I am ready to step into that, yet.
God created me to be like Him and so I must be, but I just have trouble with completely embracing this thought. Well, of course I do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be running around her pretending I am an aging body, moving relentlessly toward death. If I believed, no, let me rephrase that, if I knew what I was, I would know that all others are part of the same God Mind and I would treat them as if they are Divine as well.
Maybe that is why I choose sickness and other forms of suffering. Maybe I am too afraid to be what I am and so I deliberately choose to be small in every way I can. I have been stepping out of that self-created image I made of myself, and I am writing about this so maybe I am closer to accepting my own Divinity than I think. But writing this helps me to see how resistant I am still, and that I am afraid to re-claim my true Self. This helps me to understand why it is that I am constantly, moment by moment, sustaining this false image of self.
Jesus is helping me, in this paragraph, to see that what I am doing is a form of idolatry. I have chosen an image of a sick god to represent me. That has to be the most ridiculous and clearly insane choice of all. And yet, here I am, worshiping this frail, weak, and very vulnerable image of my self, and sickness, in all its forms, is a most effective defense against what God made me to be. As Jesus intimates… really? That’s what I want to protect?
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