Day 13
4 Each teaching-learning situation is maximal in the sense that each person involved will learn the most that he can from the other person at that time. In this sense, and in this sense only, we can speak of levels of teaching. Using the term in this way, the second level of teaching is a more sustained relationship, in which, for a time, two people enter into a fairly intense teaching-learning situation and then appear to separate. As with the first level, these meetings are not accidental, nor is what appears to be the end of the relationship a real end. Again, each has learned the most he can at the time. Yet all who meet will someday meet again, for it is the destiny of all relationships to become holy. God is not mistaken in His Son.
Hah! Two people enter into a fairly intense teaching-learning situation and then appear to separate. That sounds exactly like my marriages. I was Catholic at the time of my first divorce. The priest said I would no longer be allowed to teach Catechism or receive the sacraments. I was very angry with God for about a year, but I’ve since forgiven Him. ~smile~
I experienced a lot of shame at not being able to sustain a marriage relationship, and a lot of guilt. But Jesus tells us here that the relationships we have are deliberate. We don’t just form relationships accidentally and we get as much from the relationship as we are both able to at the time. That is a very comforting thing for me to know. Divorce was not a sin, or even a failure. We learned what we could and then we separated, which when put like that, makes perfect sense. Why would we remain together if there was nothing else for us to gain from the relationship?
Jesus also tells us that all relationships are destined to become holy, so these aborted relationships will be fulfilled at some time. A part of my mind is relieved at this. I am here to save the world through forgiveness, and it would be disturbing to think I passed up a chance to do so and now it is too late. But another part of my mind holds the memories of all that went wrong in these relationships and really doesn’t want to go there again. Holy Spirit, could you speak to me about this?
Holy Spirit: The memories you speak of are the memories of your judgments of what happened. As your mind is healed, the judgments and the desire to judge will fall away, and so will the pain and suffering. Your experience of the situation will be very different, indeed, as you see the one before you as he is rather than as you have thought you needed him to be. You have had some experience with this already, have you not?
Me: Yes, actually I have. I have seen the anger fall away as I forgave Greg for all I thought he was guilty. I was surprised, too, that as I forgave myself for the mistakes I thought I made, it was simple to forgive him. It seemed a lot of the anger I directed towards him was just projection of my guilt onto him. When I forgave myself, I didn’t need him to be guilty.
Oh, I see. That is what you mean when you say the experience will be very different when I see him as he is rather than as I thought I needed him to be. I still don’t want to return to that relationship, and there are others that I dread the thought of returning to.
Holy Spirit: Yes, these are the parts of the relationships that remain unforgiven, or to say it differently, that you are still judging. Continue the work you are doing now as you practice forgiveness. When you next meet your brother you will welcome him with a loving heart unburdened by judgment.
Me: This is hard for me to imagine in some cases, but I know this is just a measure of my desire to judge, and judgment is the cause of my fear, not the actual situation or person. I will gladly continue my practice
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