Day 14
5 The third level of teaching occurs in relationships which, once they are formed, are lifelong. These are teaching-learning situations in which each person is given a chosen learning partner who presents him with unlimited opportunities for learning. These relationships are generally few, because their existence implies that those involved have reached a stage simultaneously in which the teaching-learning balance is actually perfect. This does not mean that they necessarily recognize this; in fact, they generally do not. They may even be quite hostile to each other for some time, and perhaps for life. Yet should they decide to learn it, the perfect lesson is before them and can be learned. And if they decide to learn that lesson, they become the saviors of the teachers who falter and may even seem to fail. No teacher of God can fail to find the Help he needs.
I see these relationships as the ones I have with my children and my family members. I think that I am my kid’s forgiveness lesson more than they are mine, though of course, it goes both ways. One area I am working with right now that centers around my children is my desire to please them. It seems it is finally time to accept healing in this area. When I first looked at this I cried just to think about having to do anything about it. The inconvenience this people-pleasing creates for me seemed a small price to pay to avoid really looking at the fear behind it.
I used Byron Katie worksheets to help me get to the thoughts that need healing. I talked to my children about this and asked them how they felt when they had to say no to someone they love. I had a good talk with Toby, my youngest, sharing with him my problem and my fears. I told him that saying yes to him and my other children was not always love, but sometimes fear; that I was actually afraid of them, afraid they would not love me if I said no. Saying that out loud to him was very helpful. It took the fear out of looking at it.
He shared that he knew this about me and that he was careful not to ask me for something that would be too much, like not asking for money I didn’t have. He knew more about me than I did, it seems. I told him that I want to heal this in myself because it is not his job to take care of me. That is my job. I’m not sure where I am in this process, but I don’t feel near as much discomfort when I think of it so I know that I am doing what needs to be done. I am accepting there is something that needs to be healed, and I am giving my willingness that it be done.
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