<strong>Day 23
II. Honesty
1 All other traits of God’s teachers rest on trust. Once that has been achieved, the others cannot fail to follow. Only the trusting can afford honesty, for only they can see its value. Honesty does not apply only to what you say. The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything. </strong>
At one time, I thought I was very close to achieving the final level of trust. By this time my desire to know God was very strong. I had spent years being vigilant for the thoughts in my mind with a willingness to be corrected. As soon as I felt any kind of conflict in my mind, I took it to the Holy Spirit and it seldom took long for me to let it go. But when I read this section on honesty, I knew I had not come as far as I thought.
As soon as I read that the term actually means consistency I was intrigued, and when I read the rest I knew that this was not true for me.
There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do…
As soon as I read this statement I realized that I am not honest. I repeat many things from the Course that I want to be true for me, but my words and actions are not always in accord. I was shopping last night to the background of a baby screaming his head off. I had thoughts about the mom needing to give it up and take that miserably unhappy child home.
Now that may have been true, but the meaning behind that thought was a judgment. I was really thinking that a “good” mother would take her child home. I didn’t say those words even in my head because I’m a good Course student and I know that she is innocent, but I obviously don’t believe it.
There was an inconsistency between my thoughts. I didn’t actually say any of these words out loud, but I said them to myself and I saw the inconsistency. I am not so interested in asking the Holy Spirit to heal my words, but rather I am asking that the belief from which the words came be healed.
I obviously do not see this woman as innocent. I see her as guilty compared with someone who is innocent and so I am teaching myself separation. I feel annoyed with her because she reminds me of myself when I was in her position, shopping with a young child. I did not live up to my own expectations and felt guilty for it and now I am projecting this old guilt onto her. I don’t want to teach guilt and so learn it, and yet, that is what I am doing. Inconsistency.
My lack of peace while shopping was not caused by a baby crying, but rather from my thoughts about the baby crying. My thoughts were inconsistent, which means my beliefs were inconsistent, and so I was conflicted. I was at war in my mind, and that was the cause of my unease.
I could allow this recognition to upset and discourage me, and at one time that is exactly what would happen and the war in my mind would escalate. Last night’s incidence was different than it once would be, though. I am aware that I am not yet honest. I am happy to see the opportunities to look at the thoughts that point to inconsistent beliefs.
I am willing that all my beliefs be consistent with the truth, and so when I notice a thought that is not true I am glad to have found it. That, at least, is an honest statement.
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