Day 3
3 The curriculum you set up is therefore determined exclusively by what you think you are, and what you believe the relationship of others is to you. In the formal teaching situation, these questions may be totally unrelated to what you think you are teaching. Yet it is impossible not to use the content of any situation on behalf of what you really teach, and therefore really learn. To this the verbal content of your teaching is quite irrelevant. It may coincide with it, or it may not. It is the teaching underlying what you say that teaches you. Teaching but reinforces what you believe about yourself. Its fundamental purpose is to diminish self-doubt. This does not mean that the self you are trying to protect is real. But it does mean that the self you think is real is what you teach.
4 This is inevitable. There is no escape from it. How could it be otherwise? Everyone who follows the world’s curriculum, and everyone here does follow it until he changes his mind, teaches solely to convince himself that he is what he is not. Herein is the purpose of the world. What else, then, would its curriculum be? Into this hopeless and closed learning situation, which teaches nothing but despair and death, God sends His teachers. And as they teach His lessons of joy and hope, their learning finally becomes complete. <strong></strong>
It seems I am always teaching what I think I am, what I believe about myself and what I believe about you in relation to me. What I say may not be congruent with what I believe, but that will do nothing to change what I believe. This self I teach and through teaching constantly reinforce is not real, but it is what I teach and so it is real to me.
Here is an example, as I understand this. For a long time I believed that I was a victim of the world I see. Because this was the belief in my mind, this was the interpretation I gave everything that happened to me. For instance, I did not know how to mother my first two children and did not do it well. I felt deeply ashamed and guilty, and I told myself that this was not my fault.
This was the story I told myself. My mother was a poor role model, so I was a victim of my circumstances, and of her failure as a mother. I needed to reinforce this story if I was going to believe it and convince others it was true, so I found a therapist who told me the same story. And I collected friends who were willing to witness to my victimization.
To appear even more innocent (to myself and others) I added martyr to my image as I made excuses for my mom. “She was just doing the best she could” stories. But though my words seemed charitable, they had nothing to do with what I believed, so what I was really teaching was that I was a victim, and she was guilty of victimizing me.
All the time I thought I was protecting (or maybe hiding) this image of myself through projecting blame; I was teaching victimization and learning victimization. And so, many victim stories followed. I was building this image of myself as a helpless victim with layers and layers of stories of being victimized. I often said I did not want to be a victim, and as I learned some psychology I used different words, that sounded good, but those words were hollow because I believed I was a victim and so this is what I taught.
And of course every victim needs a victimizer so I collected those as well, and so I taught, through my relationships with them that they were victimizers. What a sad and self-defeating cycle this is, and yet it is the cycle we all live in one form or another until we choose differently through choosing a different teacher.
What a relief it is to read in paragraph 4 that there is a way to break the cycle of teaching what is the cause of our suffering.
Into this hopeless and closed learning situation, which teaches nothing but despair and death, God sends His teachers.
Helen, through her willingness to do the work given her and thereby bringing A Course in Miracles into the world is an outstanding example of this. As I have studied and practiced the Course I have accepted that my role is one of teacher, and so I am an example of this, though because I have not fully mastered this practice, I am an inconsistent teacher. We all are teachers of God as we allow our mind to be healed, and to the degree to which we allow that healing.
All of us reading this are at least sometimes teaching for God, because our mind is at least partially healed through our practice and our willingness. And as we teach, in whatever way our curriculum leads us, our healing becomes more and more complete.
My assignment
Keep my reminder handy: My every word, thought and deed is teaching me and everyone else. Is this what I want to teach?
I am going to be especially vigilant today to notice what I am actually teaching others and myself. It is not really hard to do this. Are my words and my thoughts congruent? Am I saying that I am at peace while I try to smother the anxiety I feel as I think time is slipping away from me? (I’m laughing because I couldn’t immediately think of an example or how to say this and so I asked Holy Spirit for something, and I was surprised by that last sentence. Evidently I had been hiding this from myself.) So let me rephrase that. Are my words and thoughts and feelings congruent? My feelings will often help me become aware of the belief that is the source of the thoughts, words and actions. My words are not always the measure of what I am teaching myself. Holy Spirit, please help me to be aware of the beliefs that are driving my life so that I can ask for healing where needed.
I will remember my gratitude today that as I teach my lessons of joy and hope my learning is becoming complete. Thank you, God.
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