Day 42
3 It is not the function of God’s teachers to evaluate the outcome of their gifts. It is merely their function to give them. Once they have done that they have also given the outcome, for that is part of the gift. No one can give if he is concerned with the result of giving. That is a limitation on the giving itself, and neither the giver nor the receiver would have the gift. Trust is an essential part of giving; in fact, it is the part that makes sharing possible, the part that guarantees the giver will not lose, but only gain. Who gives a gift and then remains with it, to be sure it is used as the giver deems appropriate? Such is not giving but imprisoning.
If I pray for someone and then watch them to see if they have accepted my prayer, I am not offering a true prayer because my concern is an expression of doubt, and healing is an expression of faith.
I remember that I used to feel that way. Some years ago I took a Reiki class and did some practice treatments on friends. When I would give a treatment, I would feel wonderful. It was like being energized and happy at the same time. I had a couple of very extraordinary experiences with the people I worked with, too.
I did it for my aunt. I had her lie down of course, and I spent an extra long time with her. Afterwards she told me that she had been concerned because an ongoing back problem made it painful for her to lie flat, but that she had no pain during the treatment at all. She enjoyed it very much and asked me to do it again.
Another lady I worked with had cancer all over her body. She could not lie down so I worked with her sitting up. She later told me the night after was the first time in a very long time that she was able to sleep through the night.
I stopped doing the Reiki because I thought I knew what the outcome was supposed to look like. Because the outcome did not always meet those expectations, I thought it meant I had failed. This attachment to outcome made me feel inadequate and unworthy of being a healer.
Now I think back on that and realize that I don’t know what anyone needs when it comes to healing. They probably don’t know what they need, so why should I think I know. I also understand how it feels to think they should accept the healing. When I thought they should, and they didn’t, it’s like they let me down, and so in typical ego fashion, it became their fault that I didn’t heal them. It took a long time, but I no longer have these concerns.
I’m learning a lot about healing as I study the Manual for Teachers, and also from my recent study of The Song of Prayer. I feel comfortable with this particular section. I know that time is an illusion and so what difference does it make when a prayer is accepted? I know that healing is real so it is never lost, and only increases. I also know that it is not my job to evaluate the outcome of the healing, or to keep an eye on the patient to be sure they accept my gift.
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