Day 57
10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED?
1 Judgment, like other devices by which the world of illusions is maintained, is totally misunderstood by the world. It is actually confused with wisdom, and substitutes for truth. As the world uses the term, an individual is capable of “good” and “bad” judgment, and his education aims at strengthening the former and minimizing the latter. There is, however, considerable confusion about what these categories mean. What is “good” judgment to one is “bad” judgment to another. Further, even the same person classifies the same action as showing “good” judgment at one time and “bad” judgment at another time. Nor can any consistent criteria for determining what these categories are be really taught. At any time the student may disagree with what his would-be teacher says about them, and the teacher himself may well be inconsistent in what he believes. “Good” judgment, in these terms, does not mean anything. No more does “bad.”
Jesus is pointing out what should be obvious to us; judgment is not wisdom, but is confusion. We are taught all of our lives to learn to make good judgments as opposed to bad, and yet, we are using perception to make these judgments and perception is unreliable. It shifts and changes and is seldom the same day to day, often not the same moment to moment. Therefore, our judgments are unreliable as well.
When I am through teaching today, the first thing the ego wants to do is judge how well I did. That is always its first thought. It always wants to judge according to the level of approval. If I am posting a teaching on facebook it wants to see how many people like it. If teaching on Gather it wants to find some sign of acceptance, comments or how many people show up, anything that reassures it that its ok, that the teaching was “good.”
When I used to care how the ego judged my performance and how accepted I was, this kind of thing would drive me nuts. Every time I posted anything anywhere, I was so afraid. And no wonder I was afraid. The basis of my judgment was not very reliable. First of all, people would show up because they had time, they were bored, they needed something that had nothing to do with me. People would like what I posted or not according to their own unreliable judgment. It had absolutely nothing to do with me or what I meant the posting to say.
I could send out teachings for months and not get a comment about them, and then someone would send me a message saying how the teachings were changing her life. So if I was using the criteria of how people reacted to my writings as the way I judged myself, I might have stopped writing in the face of all that silence believing that I must not be doing a good job.
Somewhere along the line I stopped judging the writing. When I stopped judging it, I stopped being concerned what people thought because I no longer needed their reassurance. What a relief that was! Now I don’t make decisions about the writing at all. I just ask for words and I trust that I am at least teaching myself and, after all, what else am I supposed to do? My only goal is to accept the Atonement for myself. It makes me laugh now to think of all the stomach clenching moments as I waited for some sign that my judgment was good.
And that does not mean the ego is not looking for signs of approval, and it doesn’t mean that it isn’t judging like crazy. Judging is what the ego does. I just don’t listen to it. I am not interested in the useless judgment they way I used to be. And if my attention is snagged by a judgment, I notice pretty quickly and ask for clarity.
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