Day 58
2 It is necessary for the teacher of God to realize, not that he should not judge, but that he cannot. In giving up judgment, he is merely giving up what he did not have. He gives up an illusion; or better, he has an illusion of giving up. He has actually merely become more honest. Recognizing that judgment was always impossible for him, he no longer attempts it. This is no sacrifice. On the contrary, he puts himself in a position where judgment through him rather than by him can occur. And this judgment is neither “good” nor “bad.” It is the only judgment there is, and it is only one: “God’s Son is guiltless, and sin does not exist.”
There is such ease in letting go of the fantasy that I can and should judge. The only time that I feel the loss of judgment is when I think that my salvation lies in judgment. For instance, recently when I lost a customer, I spent a whole day turning over judgment of the situation to the Holy Spirit, and then taking it back. When it was in my court, I judged myself as wrong and in trouble. When I gave it to the Holy Spirit, He judged the situation as illusional and therefore completely unimportant. He judged me and everyone involved as guiltless, and assured me that there is no sin.
So why did I keep taking it back and insisting on judging myself? Well, this is a convoluted and clearly insane story, but I’m going to tell it anyway. First, we really do believe in original sin, the idea that we are born with the stain of sin because we denied God through our little experiment with the separation idea. So we have a lot of deeply buried, unconscious guilt that keeps bubbling up to the surface. The ego solution is to create situations that allow us to express the guilt within us as projections of an outward situation. This seems to put it outside ourselves and give us a reason for the unexplained guilt we feel.
It’s ugly and frightening stuff, all this unacknowledged guilt that keeps appearing in the mind. The ego solution is to sling it away from me and make it appear outside my mind. So I see that I lost a customer and this is not good, but now I at least have an explanation for this guilt. I am guilty for losing a customer. That must be it! And, I have saved myself from looking into the dark abyss of my mind to see where guilt actually comes from, a thought so frightening that I have never, until now, been able to even acknowledge as a possibility.
Ok, now I have a situation completely outside myself that nicely explains the guilt I feel. I’m guilty for not doing a good job with my customer and will suffer the consequences. Only, I don’t feel good about that guilt either. But, even though the first projection was unconscious, I have a secret knowing of what I did, and so I’ve got the hang of saving myself through projection now, and it is easy to take this to the next level.
I project the blame onto the customer who is being unreasonable, and the boss who should have caught this error before it went this far. I could go on, but I don’t want to bore you. I feel certain that you have played this kind of defense out in your own mind and get the idea. Now its clear why I think I need judgment, and why I resist the Holy Spirit’s true and beautiful judgment which could so easily be mine.
Just to be sure I understand this completely, and to put it in writing so it will make it harder for me to deny any knowledge of it later, I am going to say it again. There is deeply buried and completely denied guilt (a lot of guilt) in my mind which occurred as a result of believing I sinned against God when I chose to experience separation. In an attempt to save myself from that guilt, I hid it “outside” my mind in the form of events and circumstances.
These events and circumstances provide a clear explanation for the guilt and it has nothing to do with my sin against God. Whew! Of course, now that I have now given it another cause, it can never be healed, because as the Inner Ramana says, I’m looking in the wrong direction. I’m looking at my projections instead of at my own mind where the source of the problem actually exists.
Never the less, I start working on the problem that I see as being outside me, and continue the process that has worked so far. I project the guilt over this self-made dilemma, onto others within my projected world. I seem to be going no place soon. I am caught in a loop of blame, shame, guilt, and fear, and there appears to be no way out, especially since I have been doing it under cover of a self-induced temporary amnesia. Obviously the ego thought of everything, except of course, how to get out of it. The ego’s solution to my intense guilt and fear of God is to never get out of it, just to remain in hiding through projecting and projecting and projecting, forever.
As Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Our only way out is to let go of the thinking of the ego mind to make a place within us for something outside that thought process. Into this empty and welcoming space, the Holy Spirit will come with the only truth. He will fill us with the happy realization that we did nothing wrong, we are completely innocent, and there is no such thing as sin. With this realization the loop will be broken as we will no longer have need of the ego’s solution of projection. Ahh, freedom!
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