Day 73
13. WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF SACRIFICE?
1 Although in truth the term sacrifice is altogether meaningless, it does have meaning in the world. Like all things in the world, its meaning is temporary and will ultimately fade into the nothingness from which it came when there is no more use for it. Now its real meaning is a lesson. Like all lessons it is an illusion, for in reality there is nothing to learn. Yet this illusion must be replaced by a corrective device; another illusion that replaces the first, so both can finally disappear. The first illusion, which must be displaced before another thought system can take hold, is that it is a sacrifice to give up the things of this world. What could this be but an illusion, since this world itself is nothing more than that?
I am accustomed now to the idea that Jesus replaces an unhelpful illusion with an illusion that is closer to truth because it helps me to make the leap. He has explained that to me when he talked about the difference between perception and true perception. Both are perception and therefore not truth, but true perception is as close as I will get while I still believe I am what I am not. Now he is going to use its real meaning as a lesson, and then explains that a lesson can’t be truth because in reality there is nothing to learn.
I appreciate that Jesus takes every opportunity to remind me that I am before and beyond what I mistakenly believe about myself. These explanations help me to remember that these corrective devices, while not ultimate truth, are useful to bring me forward enough that I can finally breach the divide I have created in my mind. This final step, Jesus tells us, is taken by God, who then lifts us up.
I visualize Jesus bringing me up, step by step, to an altar where I stand without fear or doubt before my God, and all that seemed to be dissolves before the Light and I gladly disappear into that Light and finally know my Self as All that I Am. This is my story of the return to God. It is just a story, but the mind seems to want a story so I give it one. In the moment of Truth, my story will disappear with all the useful and useless stories alike.
To understand that sacrifice is not asked of me, I must first give up the false idea that the world offers me anything I want. If I think I want its meager offerings, I will think of its loss as a sacrifice, and will be unwilling to accept another thought system. I wish I could say that I saw the sense in this since after all, the world is an illusion and so how valuable could it be, but, alas, I have stubbornly clung to the good and bad with equal tenacity.
The Holy Spirit understands this and so has gently led me through a step-by-step process. Its like He picks up something in the world and says do you want this? Would you like to know what it symbolizes for you? Do you think it is more precious than Life, than Love, than pure unending, blissful joy? If I decide that I would rather have that illusion than to have the memory of my Divinity, then He simply waits patiently for me to change my mind.
I would like to say that good sense brings me back to Him for another look, but its usually pain that prompts this reappraisal. The illusion that has been hardest for me to see as useless is special relationships, especially the ones with my children. I had a death grip on that illusion, and I have had to experience that pain many time to become willing to even acknowledge that there might be something else.
The Holy Spirit has spent all of this lifetime helping me to see that pain is not love. Once I was willing to accept that what I thought of as love was an illusion I became more willing to let it go, trusting that there was something to take its place. Have you ever seen a baby’s confusion when his hands each hold a toy and you offer him another? He wants the new toy, but his hands are full, and he doesn’t want to let go of what he has. Eventually, he puts one down so that he can accept another. That is me with my special relationships.
The Holy Spirit hold out Love, and my hands are full of my substitute for love and I have been afraid to let go of what I have for the hope of something else. What I have is not making me happy, but I do have it. I am finally learning to loosen my grip and tentatively lay aside what I have clung to for so long, but I don’t set it too far away, because I am still uncertain. I still believe that maybe it will be a sacrifice to give up this illusion. The Holy Spirit is infinite Patience. He knows that I will finally see that it is no sacrifice to give up illusions, and so He waits for me.
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