Day 61
5 Therefore lay judgment down, not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude. Now are you free of a burden so great that you could merely stagger and fall down beneath it. And it was all illusion. Nothing more. Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened, and walk lightly on. Yet it is not only this that is his benefit. His sense of care is gone, for he has none. He has given it away, along with judgment. He gave himself to Him Whose judgment he has chosen now to trust, instead of his own. Now he makes no mistakes. His Guide is sure. And where he came to judge, he comes to bless. Where now he laughs, he used to come to weep.
I feel such a relief that I am free to lay aside all judgment. I am very far from perfect at remembering to do so, and sometimes still, I feel a stubborn resistance to give it up. But I have done it often enough to be convinced of what Jesus says. While I was still in thrall to the ego belief that I should and even must judge, I had become so accustomed to the burden that I didn’t realize how heavy it was.
When I first started trying not to judge, I had trouble getting past the person’s behavior or their words. If it was a situation I was judging I had trouble getting past what I thought I knew. When I began to truly understand projection, I realized that I was never judging the other person’s behavior anyway, but only judging my thoughts about their behavior. I began to accept that I would never know anyone, only what I believed about that person and that was not really about that person, but about me. So really, I was learning to forgive myself my projections onto others.
What relief it was when I took the next step, and began to accept that I am innocent, and so is everyone else. Within that perfect innocence what is there to judge? Now when I notice I am judging someone, I don’t have to find some way to love them anyway (spiritual ego), or torture myself with “trying” not to judge them even though I still believe in their guilt (impossible). I just have to be willing to accept the simple truth that they are innocent. This sets the ego aside, and invites in the Holy Spirit. There is so little for me to do to be at peace.
Not only is my mind at peace because it has already reached the only true conclusion there is, it is now free to love and be loved. Without judgment blocking love, it flows naturally as is its nature. It flows through me and to everyone else. Without my judgment standing between us, my brother feels this freedom, too. Though he may not realize why, he feels a natural attraction, a desire to be in the presence of love. If he is too afraid of love to accept it he may retreat, but a seed is planted, and will one day grow.
As I have learned to accept that I cannot really judge anyway, and have been more willing to give up trying, I have learned that I don’t want to make my own decisions about what to do, where to go, what to say. The happy truth is that there is something outside the mind that moves through the mind to direct my decisions at the slightest invitation. It felt scary at first, to trust this “seemingly” alien presence, but slowly as I have continued my practice, I am learning to not only trust the Holy Spirit, but to realize it is the ego who is the usurper, and Spirit that is at home in my mind.
It seems I am not fully convinced that I want to live in uninterrupted peace and love. I often trade it for the dubious “right” to judge my brothers and allow the ego mind to make the decisions. But having tasted freedom, I am developing a strong desire to keep it, so I continue my vigilance and strengthen my willingness.
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