Day 84
4 The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. He does not judge it either as hard or easy. His Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it.
I am becoming aware of how I still hold onto the bits and pieces of the illusion. I am also aware of how the Holy Spirit is holding these parts up for me to see and is giving me a chance to make a different choice. Life is very exciting right now as I am meeting my lessons with less fear and more confidence that the Holy Spirit will direct me to lessons that I am ready to learn.
A couple of days ago I read about a book. I read about a lot of books and people often recommend certain books. Most of the time I never get around to them, but this time I immediately bought the book and began reading it. Its called, Dying to Be Me. Its about a woman’s struggle with cancer, her near death experience, and what she learned from that. It is an extraordinary book and one that Holy Spirit is using to bring me to my next lesson.
There are a number of truly helpful and encouraging things in that book, but the one that I am working with right now is letting go of fear. This was an important lesson for Anita, and the main reason she returned to life was to share this message. Since I have been reading her book I have become more aware of how much my life is driven by fear.
I am noticing how often I make decisions based on my fears, how often I set aside my joy and self-love out of fear. My Heart will guide me in a direction, then my head will warn me to deny that desire. The head is always saying, in one form or another, “Be afraid.”
I want to buy something, and the ego warns me that I will run out of money if I waste it. I have a pain in my leg, and the ego wonders if I have a blood clot, and if it will break loose and wind up blocking something and kill me. The mind doesn’t have all the details but remembers reading about this danger and so grabs hold of it and if I pay attention, soon the mind will have me at death’s door.
I want to go home and rest after a long week of work, but someone asks me to do something for them and I feel obligated. I do the favor, not out of love, but out of fear of being a bad person if I don’t. The Holy Spirit helps me to see that even as I ask Him for guidance that sometimes I do it with an attitude of martyrdom. I am asking with the fear that I will be asked to suffer, but I will do it because that is the right thing to do. There seems to be no part of my life that is entirely free of fear.
The mind sees this as scary too. It reasons that I can never be free of fear because it is all about me, and too much a part of me. It is afraid that I cannot do this and will just feel guilty for not succeeding. But this morning I am not influenced by the mind. I am listening to the Heart, which is joyful and knows that I am led only where I am ready to go. I don’t have to know how this pervasive sense of fear can be overcome. I only have to give my willingness, and my willingness is strong.
Today I have been given two things to do. The first is the allow myself to become aware of things that make me happy. I have been so focused on what I thought I should be doing for so long, that I can’t remember what it is that I want to be doing. The Holy Spirit is asking me to just allow this. He says to check in with my gut feeling rather than asking my mind.
The second thing I received is that I am to focus on the truth when fear arises. If I don’t feed fear with my attention it will starve to death. So that’s my job today. I am to be happy and not pay any attention to the thoughts that suggest things to be afraid of. I’m pretty sure I can do this.
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