Day 87
2 Is this your judgment on yourself, teacher of God? Do you believe that this is wholly true? No; not yet, not yet. But this is still your goal; why you are here. It is your function to prepare yourself to hear this judgment and to recognize that it is true. One instant of complete belief in this, and you will go beyond belief to Certainty. One instant out of time can bring time’s end. Judge not, for you but judge yourself, and thus delay this Final Judgment. What is your judgment of the world, teacher of God? Have you yet learned to stand aside and hear the Voice of Judgment in yourself? Or do you still attempt to take His role from Him? Learn to be quiet, for His Voice is heard in stillness. And His Judgment comes to all who stand aside in quiet listening, and wait for Him.
And so I see that the Day of Judgment isn’t a specific day in time, but is the day I accept the truth that is always being spoken in my Heart. It is the day I stand aside from my own judgments so that I can hear the Voice for God declare me innocent. What seems to be happening right now is that I am looking at various projections of the guilt I still hold in my mind, and allowing the Holy Spirit to show me that I am not guilty for these, and neither is anyone else.
By doing this, by helping me to see that I am innocent of the sins I imagine, He is bringing me to the core of the guilt. I am learning to accept that all guilt, regardless of the form it takes, is really guilt for what has been called the original sin. When I imagined I could separate myself from God, I felt fear and guilt of a magnitude that I could not endure and so I pretended it wasn’t there. And ever since then I have been making stories to explain a guilt I refuse to acknowledge.
The Course has been telling me over and over in so many ways that I have never done anything wrong. God is not mad at me. I am completely loved. I am innocent. These words have begun to penetrate. I am open now to hearing them, and so I am being given more help in the form of books, teachers, and teaching opportunities.
I open my email, and there is a message from a teacher with exactly the next step which follows from the one before which came from a book I’d never heard of until I was directed to it. More help comes in my dreams. The entire universe is conspiring to help me awaken to the truth that I am innocent.
The closer I get to the truth, the harder the fear and guilt push against it, but instead of being a dense wall it is now a bank of clouds. I can see through it! I think of how perfectly I am being guided, step by step, and of the synchronicities that make this happen, and I have a moment of giddy delight, then the clouds and its dark again, but never as dark as it used to be. The clouds are so much thinner now.
I am fulfilling my function of preparing myself to hear God’s Final Judgment. I am listening to His Voice. I am looking at what I need to look at. I am watching my thoughts and asking for correction. I am reading the books, hearing the messages, delighting in the synchronicities. If you are looking at my life you would never guess the miracle that is taking place within. It looks much the same as it looked yesterday and the day before, but everything is changing.
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