Day 103
4 Perhaps it will be helpful to remember that no one can be angry at a fact. It is always an interpretation that gives rise to negative emotions, regardless of their seeming justification by what appears as facts. Regardless, too, of the intensity of the anger that is aroused. It may be merely slight irritation, perhaps too mild to be even clearly recognized. Or it may also take the form of intense rage, accompanied by thoughts of violence, fantasized or apparently acted out. It does not matter. All of these reactions are the same. They obscure the truth, and this can never be a matter of degree. Either truth is apparent, or it is not. It cannot be partially recognized. Who is unaware of truth must look upon illusions.
I am happy to say that I really know that it is always my interpretation of a fact that causes my anger. I am never angry that something happened or that someone said something. I am angry because of the meaning I gave that something. It is helpful for me to remember that there are no exceptions to this rule. It is always true regardless of the apparent circumstances.
How does knowing this change things for me? When I become angry with someone I don’t try to figure out how to change them or the situation. I know that they are not the problem. I look to my own mind for the belief that needs to be healed. Sometimes the circumstances can be so compelling that I become temporarily confused. I know that this is my problem, but for a bit I can’t see how that could be. So I have some processes that help.
One thing I can do is to write down on a sheet of paper what happened. I put only the basic fact or facts. An example might be that my boss yells at me for something I absolutely did not do and did not have any control over. I feel very angry. In the wash of emotion I may find it hard to understand why this has anything to do with me. I am innocent and I don’t do that to him or anyone else, I think. My mind is confused because I am holding these two conflicting thoughts. It is my perception that is causing the problem and it is his behavior that is causing the problem.
So I get out my paper and I ask the Holy Spirit to sit with me as I do this exercise and to do it in a way that helps me. I write the fact down; my boss yelled at me for something I didn’t do. Then under that sentence I make a list about every thought I have concerning this situation beginning with, “he is wrong”.
He has no right to yell at me at all. He is taking his upset out on me. I am an innocent victim. He’s treating me with no respect. If he can yell at me for something I didn’t do, can he fire me for something I didn’t do? Sure he can. No matter how hard I work or how good a job I do, he can lose his temper and I lose my job. These will probably lead into more thoughts and I write down all that come to me.
Then I fold the paper so that the first line is on one side of the fold and the other side holds everything else. The side with the one fact (Katie calls it the first generation thought) is the only thing that happened. The other side of the paper is my interpretation of what happened. Just doing this exercise is helpful to me when I am confused. Now I remember that I have given this situation all the meaning it has for me. Everything under the fold is that meaning.
Once this has been established, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me see this differently. If I am ready to choose peace then peace is given me. If not, then I may have to do some more work. One thing I might do is get out a Byron Katie worksheet and ask the Holy Spirit to help me fill it out. This can also give me more clarity and help to bring me to the place where I am ready for healing.
Another way I do this is to sit with pen and paper or maybe at my keyboard, and tell Holy Spirit all about it. Then I ask Him for help, and begin to put down what comes into my mind. This is very powerful. The answer may be the same thing I can read in the Course or some other book, or hear from a teacher, but when it comes from within, it has far more impact.
The work is never about me healing my mind; it is about me desiring healing more than I desire to project blame. Once I truly want healing, I am healed.
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