Day 110
2 God’s teachers’ major lesson is to learn how to react to magic thoughts wholly without anger. Only in this way can they proclaim the truth about themselves. Through them, the Holy Spirit can now speak of the reality of the Son of God. Now He can remind the world of sinlessness, the one unchanged, unchangeable condition of all that God created. Now He can speak the Word of God to listening ears, and bring Christ’s vision to eyes that see. Now is He free to teach all minds the truth of what they are, so they will gladly be returned to Him. And now is guilt forgiven, overlooked completely in His sight and in God’s Word.
Because I really want to learn this lesson, I am being made aware of the anger that hides in my mind. It seems I often disguise it so it seems I am only concerned about the other person. Or I tamp it down so I can call it annoyance. Or sometimes I just distract myself until the anger has faded from my awareness, and because it goes away without much effect I can tell myself it was nothing.
A friend brought to my attention a situation I didn’t want to know about, and I was angry that she did. Someone from work required something of me that I didn’t feel capable of giving and I resented her for doing so. A family member acted selfishly and I felt angry with him. I didn’t think I had anger in me but, as it happens, I had just become very good at acting as if I didn’t, so good that I fooled myself. But anger denied is still destructive.
I love that my honest desire to heal is all it takes to reveal the anger. When we started reading about anger, I asked the Holy Spirit what He would have me learn about it. Now that I see it clearly in my actions and behavior, in spite of my previous efforts at hiding it, I very much desire healing.
As I express my willingness for correction, I feel the ego contract from the idea. My cover story is that I don’t even know where to begin, but of course, I don’t need to know. The Holy Spirit is the instrument of healing, and only awaits my sincere willingness. The ego mind clings to anger because it feels I am stripping myself of every defense I have and so feels exposed and vulnerable. If I can’t project guilt onto others then I will have to accept it as mine, it reasons, and that is not tolerable.
The Holy Spirit gently reminds me that there is no guilt to project. Of course the ego cannot accept that idea as it would mean finally lifting the veil and standing exposed before God, which is the ultimate fear, and preventing this is the ego’s whole purpose of existence. This is why there cannot be a “meeting of minds” between truth and illusion. I cannot bring truth to illusion and work something out. ~smile~ Truth and illusion are completely opposed and I must choose which I would entertain. Its ok if I choose ego, but it does lead to more suffering and I really am tired of suffering.
When I was younger I used to have a real problem with rage. I learned to suppress it and I thought that was the solution, but suppression is not healing. What is helping me to look at this honestly is that I am now more willing to accept the Myron character as she is, warts and all. This is the body and personality that I am meant to express at this time. It offers all that is needed to complete this part of our healing. This acceptance of self eases the way as I give my willingness to heal. It’s wonderful to no longer feel guilty for being “me”.
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