Day 93
5 The same procedures should be followed at night. Perhaps your quiet time should be fairly early in the evening, if it is not feasible for you to take it just before going to sleep. It is not wise to lie down for it. It is better to sit up, in whatever position you prefer. Having gone through the workbook, you must have come to some conclusions in this respect. If possible, however, just before going to sleep is a desirable time to devote to God. It sets your mind into a pattern of rest, and orients you away from fear. If it is expedient to spend this time earlier, at least be sure that you do not forget a brief period,-not more than a moment will do,-in which you close your eyes and think of God.
I am not as consistent with my ritual at night as I am in the morning. I feel the burden of my errors at night. It is as if every error of the day is weighing me down and exhausting me. Some evenings I only feel like hiding. I want to distract myself by reading or listening to a story. There is, of course, nothing wrong with reading a novel but the reason I am reading is to get away from my guilty thoughts.
I think this is the reason Jesus tells me to perform this procedure at night. The ego is very attracted to guilt and resists the idea of changing its night ritual of either thinking about all my sins or pretending there is nothing to think about which leaves me in a mild state of anxiety. Since I am hiding the reason for the anxiety from myself there seems to be no help for it.
I used to think that sleep was my only salvation from this. But sleep often became the playground of the ego, the place where ego played out all the defensive thoughts I buried in my mind during the day. In my sleep I was able to give full sway to the ego desire to defend and attack, and I used to have some pretty awful nightmares at times.
This doesn’t happen as often now. I seldom have really bad dreams anymore. I think that’s because I have had a lot of healing in my mind. In fact I sometimes dream of being taught by someone. I sometimes dream that I am teaching someone. Those times I wake up very happy, but a little frustrated because I almost never remember what it was that was being said, only the feeling of joy.
Jesus is giving me a very simple way to turn my mind away from fear. It asks only a moment of my time as I remember God, remember love, remember innocence. I have often asked that Holy Spirit teach me in my sleep and sometimes this is part of my nightly ritual. And now, of course, as I play the Course in the background as I sleep, the words penetrate and my rest is deeper and more satisfying, my dreams influenced by its ideas.
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