Day 131
5 When a teacher of God fails to heal, it is because he has forgotten Who he is. Another’s sickness thus becomes his own. In allowing this to happen, he has identified with another’s ego, and has thus confused him with a body. In so doing, he has refused to accept the Atonement for himself, and can hardly offer it to his brother in Christ’s Name. He will, in fact, be unable to recognize his brother at all, for his Father did not create bodies, and so he is seeing in his brother only the unreal. Mistakes do not correct mistakes, and distorted perception does not heal. Step back now, teacher of God. You have been wrong. Lead not the way, for you have lost it. Turn quickly to your Teacher, and let yourself be healed.
This paragraph is very clear. If I fail to heal then it is because I have forgotten who I am and so have forgotten who my brother is. I now believe he is this body with all its apparent problems. I have allowed my confusion to blind me to his brilliant perfection, thus I no longer even see him, but see only the reflection of my own mistaken beliefs. In this state I am no longer a healer, but one in need of healing and so must step back and allow the Holy Spirit to heal my mind.
This happened to me first thing this morning. Not that I am so healed that I usually see everyone as the Christ, but I saw my confusion very clearly when I thought of my brother (biological, not spiritual). John is Brinda’s husband. As I’ve mentioned before, Brinda is recovering from transplant surgery. John has been unable to help very much in her care because he became sick. Even though there have been tests run, he doesn’t know what is wrong, only that it has something to do with his stomach and is very painful.
I was thinking about how hard it is going to be to find enough caregivers over the long haul if John has something really bad, like cancer maybe. I thought how devastating it would be for Brinda and of course how hard it would be for John. Suddenly I realized that I was not seeing my brother, but seeing only my fears projected onto him. I was not a healer at all, but one who needed to be healed, and I asked Holy Spirit for help.
I don’t know if this is true for everyone, but I notice that when I am identified with ego the way I was this morning, even as I realize what has happened and decide differently, it takes a few minutes for me to back out of that thinking. I am for a moment or two confused. Confused is such a perfect word for what it feels like. I know I am thinking wrong, and yet, I cannot find the right thoughts. Then I ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking and bring me to truth and it is done. That period of confusion used to last a longer time, sometimes for days, but now it passes fairly quickly, but it is still disconcerting while it is happening.
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