Day 123
2 As symbols, words have quite specific references. Even when they seem most abstract, the picture that comes to mind is apt to be very concrete. Unless a specific referent does occur to the mind in conjunction with the word, the word has little or no practical meaning, and thus cannot help the healing process. The prayer of the heart does not really ask for concrete things. It always requests some kind of experience, the specific things asked for being the bringers of the desired experience in the opinion of the asker. The words, then, are symbols for the things asked for, but the things themselves but stand for the experiences that are hoped for.
I took a day off from work yesterday. I used that time to work on my website which I am re-doing, and it was a lot a fun. The morning weather was nice and so I enjoyed that. I enjoyed a leisurely walk around my yard admiring the roses and inhaling the heady scent of the jasmines now in bloom. I enjoyed a leisurely cup of coffee and I enjoyed journaling without a deadline since I didn’t have to finish quickly so I could get to work.
I have wanted to try my hand at making a short video and posting it on you tube and then putting it on my website. This is something that required me to stretch my computer skills and I needed time to work it all out. Yesterday, I did it! Wow! I’m a star! I even enjoyed breaking up my day of computer work with bits of housework. I enjoyed the sensation of having no pressure to finish one thing and begin another. Everything got done because my agenda was short and my time abundant, and I loved everything I was doing.
As the day came to an end I found myself longing for another day like this one. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have time to do all the things I have been putting off for so long because of work demands? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have more time to write, more time for students, for weddings, for all the things I love to do? Every thought is a prayer so this was my prayer. It was my prayer as I understood it.
Jesus is explaining to us in this paragraph that there is a difference between the words and the intent of the prayer. My words were a concrete picture of an experience. I saw myself somehow having enough money to quit work and devote myself to my ministry and to enjoy my day without as much structure and with the leisure of few time constraints. That was from my head.
What was my heart asking for? I think it was asking for freedom. It was asking to be free from time constraints, from the pressure of a deadline. It was asking to hear His Voice and to write what I hear. It was asking to be of service, to teach, to minister. These things make my heart sing with joy. I am asking for joy. Simply put in the most abstract way I can relate, my heart was asking for freedom and joy. Everything else was my mind’s interpretation of what that meant, how it would have to look in the world to accomplish that.
It is important for me to realize the prayer of the heart, the experience I am longing to have, the true prayer. Otherwise, I will receive the answer to my prayer and fail to recognize I have received it. I will interpret the answer incorrectly and it will be as if there was not an answer.
For instance, freedom from time constraints is probably my most longed for desire. The Holy Spirit is telling me that I have overlooked many answers to this prayer. Because I was expecting a different package, I failed to open the one received. Because I have not fully accepted the gift given, I keep trying to manipulate time myself and so feel stressed even though I am blessed.
I begin my day with God and then I read and journal. Then I post. If I have time I answer emails. If I really have time, I read a few updates on face book, check out a few groups I belong to. Then I rush around getting dressed and planning who to see first and reminding myself of what needs to be done. I make a schedule and hope nothing throws it off. All the time I am doing these tasks I am stressed to get each one done in a timely manner so nothing gets left out.
The stress starts the night before as I lay in bed reviewing what didn’t get done that day and how I will get it back in my schedule. I worry that something will go undone. I plan everything about my evening around the idea of getting to bed earlier so I can get up earlier so I can get more done. I especially stress something will interfere with those early hours when I can listen to Holy Spirit and share what I hear.
The next morning I wake and immediately the mind begins to plan every move, and also immediately begins to worry that its plans are in vain. I love those moments in quiet peace when I hear His Voice, but I don’t fully enjoy it because I am also thinking, “Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.” Even though I don’t say those words, that is the experience I am having. And so it goes for the rest of the day. Making plans. Worrying they won’t work. No wonder I am too tired to do anything else by the end of the work day.
The Holy Spirit is reminding me that I have been given ample time to listen and write. He reminds me that time is not real and is easily manipulated by Him to the degree I will accept that manipulation. He reminds me I have been given many opportunities to serve, to teach, to join all during the day, and if I will let go of what I think that should look like, I will enjoy these opportunities.
He tells me that I love the beauty of my yard, and yet I overlook the beauty all around me, and laughs as He points out that this is beauty I don’t have to pay for or work at. No yard person required, no weeding or watering. Its just there for me to look at, and when I leave that spot, I am given a new one. It never gets boring because every moment it is different.
The Holy Spirit suggests I lay aside the expectations created by the thinking mind and receive my gifts. Enjoy the experience. He reminds me that the pressure I feel comes from making my own plans, making decisions on my own, closing my eyes to my gifts. He suggests that I relax into Him and allow myself the joy of being guided, lifted and carried through the world, throughout my day.
As I feel this is complete, I hear the word, trust. All else rests on that one word. Trust. Trust in His plans. Trust in His answers. Trust in His love. Trust in His desire for me to be happy and fulfilled. Trust in my Self to open my eyes to His answers.
© Copyright 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.
Has this page been helpful to you?
Your contribution in support of this site is greatly appreciated. To make a tax deductible contribution or become a member online, go to http://www.pathwaysoflight.org/polshop/home.php?cat=254.
Or send a check or money order to Pathways of Light, 6 Oak Court, Ormond Beach, FL 32174-2623 (USD only, please) Thank you for your support.