6-22-12
4 Here again is the paradox often referred to in the course. To say, “Of myself I can do nothing” is to gain all power. And yet it is but a seeming paradox. As God created you, you have all power. The image you made of yourself has none. The Holy Spirit knows the truth about you. The image you made does not. Yet, despite its obvious and complete ignorance, this image assumes it knows all things because you have given that belief to it. Such is your teaching, and teaching of the world that was made to uphold it. But the Teacher Who knows the truth has not forgotten it. His decisions bring benefit to all, being wholly devoid of attack. And therefore incapable of arousing guilt.
I gave the self the belief that it knows, and now I have to let that misconception go. It is a stubborn idea and in spite of accumulated evidence that proves it wrong, the ego continues to insist it knows something. Even though I have accepted that this is an error, I see proof the belief remains fixed in the mind as I notice the idle thoughts that chatter away. I see it in the thoughtless automatic responses I make on a regular basis.
When I notice that I still believe the ego has power and knowledge I remind myself of the truth. Of my self I can do nothing. As I let go of the idea of self, I gain the memory of my true Self, and with it the power of that Self. The way I let go of self is to turn to the Holy Spirit often during the day. I ask Him for the answer because He has not forgotten the truth.
This is the reason I will make no decisions on my own. I have no reason to trust such a decision. Because I believe I am separate from everyone and everything else, I will always make decisions based on what will benefit me alone. This is an attack on everything else and will always arouse guilt.
I do not acknowledge where the guilt came from because that will create a paradox I cannot afford to look at if I am to maintain the belief in this separated self I am so attached to. So I make up stories to explain the guilt, always placing the source of it on someone or something I see as outside me. This keeps me safely deluded and protects the idea of separation. But it also creates more guilt and keeps me in fear.
My carefully constructed plan for self-delusion may be insane, but it has been effective for eons of time. Because I designed the whole plan myself and put it into place through the creative power of my mind for the purpose of keeping the ego in place, I cannot undo it from within the system. I need outside help. I need to be reminded of the truth, to be gently led to reality. This is the purpose of the Holy Spirit within my mind.
I think of the Holy Spirit as the safeguard, placed within my mind to be sure that I would not be forever lost in the confusion of the game. When the Holy Spirit begins to sense an awakening desire to return to God, He responds to that desire by quickening my memory. He does this at the perfect pace, and in just the way that will be helpful and not frightening.
I am not in charge of my awakening. I gladly surrender my mind to the One Who knows. There will be hundreds of little decisions to be made today. I would make none of them on my own. Holy Spirit, again today, I ask that You choose for me.
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