6-9-12
4 The curious belief that there is part of dying things that may go on apart from what will die, does not proclaim a loving God nor re-establish any grounds for trust. If death is real for anything, there is no life. Death denies life. But if there is reality in life, death is denied. No compromise in this is possible. There is either a god of fear or One of Love. The world attempts a thousand compromises, and will attempt a thousand more. Not one can be acceptable to God’s teachers, because not one could be acceptable to God. He did not make death because He did not make fear. Both are equally meaningless to Him.
Ways we compromise in coming to terms with our belief that God is Love and yet God is a taker of life: Good things have already come from his dying. He has gone to a better place. At least she is with her beloved aunt now. You have your memories of him. God needed him. Only his body is dead, his soul is with God.
Oh my, Jesus, are you saying that even that last one is just another attempt to compromise on the truth? That was my hold out, the way I held onto the belief in death without giving up the hope that God is good.
I have talked about pain before. For some reason, a readiness on my part, I suppose, when I read Lesson 190 this time I really understood it. In this lesson, Jesus tells us that pain is but witness to the Son’s mistakes in what he thinks he is. It is a dream of fierce retaliation for a crime that could not be committed. He explains that pain is not real, and that it is something we made up to keep the truth at bay. Ever since I read that I have been denying the reality of pain. Each time I feel physical or emotional pain, I remind myself that, If God is real, there is no pain. If pain is real, there is no God.
I use every pain as a reminder of the truth, and a remarkable thing has happened. I had been suffering really bad pain and now I am not. No doctors, medicines or treatments were used. All I did was deny the reality of pain. I realized that pain is not real, that what I think of as pain with a cause outside my mind, is after all, just a thought in that mind.
The other day I was given another thought. I was noticing that so much pain had simply vanished, and yet, I still have pain. The ego was calling me an ingrate, but I persisted along the lines of the thought I had been given. Why do I have any pain? If pain is not real then a little pain is still not real.
Lesson 190 says that my thoughts alone can cause me pain, so I am deliberately holding onto some pain, not enough to warrant attention, just enough to defend against a total capitulation to God. It is a compromise I make with myself. I will do this Course stuff since I can’t seem to stop, but I will hold onto my self in this little way. Yeah, I too, noticed this was crazy.
I think that death is the same as pain. I think that death is just another thing I made up to prove God is the evil one and I am His innocent victim. And if I know what’s good for me I better stay where I am in this illusory world where God has no reality except as I allow. I think that death is no more real than pain. I think that I could read lesson 190 and insert the word death where it says pain and it would be equally true.
The body doesn’t die because the body doesn’t exist. I don’t die because I am not a body. A part of me does not go on living because I have no parts. I am only spirit, mind, light, whatever I want to call it, but that is all I am. I am going to call it Awareness. I don’t die, I simply become aware of something other than this “Life of Myron” program I have been watching. There is nothing of me that can die, could ever die, because there is no such thing as death.
Thank you for that, Holy Spirit. I am going to sit with it awhile.
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