7-10-12
Where there was darkness now we see the light. What is the ego? What the darkness was. Where is the ego? Where the darkness was. What is it now and where can it be found? Nothing and nowhere. Now the light has come: its opposite has gone without a trace. Where evil was there now is holiness. What is the ego? What the evil was. Where is the ego? In an evil dream that but seemed real while you were dreaming it. Where there was crucifixion stands God’s Son. What is the ego? Who has need to ask? Where is the Ego? Who has the need to seek for an illusion now that dreams are gone?
The ego seems so very real that it is hard to imagine life without it. At first I didn’t understand the mechanism that allowed me to experience the impossible. Then, through A Course in Miracles, I learned how it works and that I didn’t want it anymore. I learned to let it go. It seemed to take a very long time because I had to come to that conclusion myself, and I did not entirely want to do that, even when my memory of something else began to awaken. I said to myself that it was too scary, too hard, but what I really meant was “I am not sure I want to.”
The small gentle steps I took as I learned to trust the Voice within helped me choose again. The daily lessons, those clever clever lessons, undid wrong minded thinking and then gave me something else. From there I practiced watching what was going on in my mind so that I could choose what I wanted to believe based on what brought me peace, and what brought me closer to God. The Holy Spirit healed what I truly no longer wanted.
Guilt is the heavy chain that seems to bind me to the world and the ego, but it only imprisons a willing inmate. It is an illusion that binds me, and I can walk out of the chains as if they don’t exist, because they don’t, and discover I am no longer bound, because I never was.
The Holy Spirit told me that there is no such thing as pain and that it is only my belief in pain that creates the sensations of pain that I feel. I made up pain and apply it as desired. How strange. I kept reminding myself that this was the truth. Every time I felt pain I remembered that there is no pain, that it is only a thought in my mind that I feel. I watched pain dissolve as I let the belief be healed. When I pick it up again, I remind myself of the truth again.
Guilt is the same thing. Guilt is just something I made up and decided to use as if it were real. But pain and guilt are part of the ego which does not exist except in my memory. This morning I woke up to a dream in which I was watching myself apologize for some part of my story. I was younger and was talking to my daughter who morphed into my mother. I listened to her sadness and regret and I knew she was wrong about being guilty.
I tried to take her hand to reassure her, but she didn’t want to be interrupted in her guilty story. I woke up knowing that she represents me as the Myron who believed in guilt and wrapped herself in it like it was her protection. She had no intention of giving it up no matter how many lessons she did or how many times Jesus told her she was innocent. How strangely we act when we believe in the ego, and believe we are something we could never be. But in my dream was the watcher, the one who recognizes guilt, but knows only innocence. It is she I have learned to identify with.
No matter how strongly we believe in the impossible, we cannot make it real. It can affect us only if we believe in it. How real can an affect be if the cause is unreal? That is the answer to the illusion. Is my experience real? Is it God? Pain is not God so pain is not real. Fear is not God, so fear is not real. Guilt is not God, so guilt is not real. If it is not real then I can let go of it. I can give that belief to the Holy Spirit, be healed and the experience of the unreal will cease. The only power these things have in my life is my belief that they are real.
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