7-14-12
10 The miracle forgives; the ego damns. Neither need be defined except by this. Yet could a definition be more sure, or more in line with what salvation is? Problem and answer lie together here, and having met at last the choice is clear. Who chooses hell when it is recognized? And who would not go on a little while when it is given him to understand the way is short and Heaven is his goal?
I was at a wedding rehearsal last night. I had never met anyone there before I arrived. The couple had another minister lined up and he cancelled at the last minute, which is why I was in this situation. At any other time in my life I would have been very uncomfortable. I have never understood the rules of socialization.
I never knew what to say to people I don’t know, how to get a conversation started, and always imagined I was the only one who felt like this. This would make me feel less than, and in my uncertainty and discomfort I would begin to compare and project because this is what the ego mind does.
But a lovely thing happened on my way to awakening. I stopped caring about the “rules” of social behavior, about how I appear to others, about how I compare to other people. I stopped caring about myself. I stopped needing to fill the conversational void. I began to be interested in everyone else, but with no need for them to respond.
The groom’s parents are Pentacostal and the bride’s parents are Catholic. In the past, that alone would have made me uncomfortable because their religious beliefs preclude women as ministers. I would have felt judged and would have responded defensively, even if it were only in my mind. All this judgment and defense would have left me nervous and wishing I was someplace else.
When I noticed all this last night I saw these thoughts go through my mind, but since I didn’t invite them to stay, I saw everything through a different filter. It’s hard to explain in words, but I just found that I liked everyone. I noticed all sorts of delightful things about them. I wondered how the parents felt about the wedding being outside their respective churches and if there was tension between the parents since they did not socialize at all. But I did not pick up any of it because I only noticed and did not judge it.
The ego condemns. It sees everyone as a potential enemy, and is constantly on the defense. The miracle forgives. It sees only Christ everywhere it looks and so has no need to defend, and without a need to defend, there is no attack.
If I had seen the parents as my enemy, judging me and wishing I were someone else, I would have been defensive, and in my mind, at least, I would have attacked them as being judgmental and harsh (which is exactly what I would have been doing to them) and this would have influenced my behavior with them. Everyone would have sensed this undercurrent and the experience would have been very different.
Through the miracle of forgiveness, none of this happened. I enjoyed them, and I was not the least uncomfortable. I noticed some of those old thoughts, as I said, but I didn’t believe them and so I did nothing to hold them in my mind, and they passed through without lingering. I am grateful for the miracle and grateful to Jesus for teaching me.
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