8-12-12
2 You are a stranger here. But you belong to Him Who loves you as He loves Himself. Ask but my help to roll the stone away, and it is done according to His Will. We have begun the journey. Long ago the end was written in the stars and set into the Heavens with a shining Ray that held it safe within eternity and through all time as well. And holds it still; unchanged, unchanging and unchangeable.
Boy, have I ever felt like a stranger here! A stranger in a strange land, as Robert Heinlein phrased it. Most Course students I have met have expressed the same sentiments. In fact, if you have not yet noticed that the world is strangely off kilter, not right somehow, then you likely don’t have any interest in finding your way out and A Course in Miracles will not interest you.
Knowing that this is a very strange world, indeed, and knowing that I did not fit in, ever, was a first step to awakening. Knowing this first thing without knowing there was a solution was disconcerting and sometimes deeply upsetting. I expect a lot of the insane things I did when I was young was directly related to knowing something was wrong but not knowing what it was or what to do about it, and afraid that the wrong thing was me.
When I first discovered A Course in Miracles I was on top of the world one moment, and confused and afraid in the next. I wanted it to be true, but almost no one else even knew about it. When my ex husband found out I was studying it he made an effort to save me. He had heard that it was some kind of cult. I was very touched that he would be so generous as I knew that he was uncomfortable in that role. Somehow in spite of how different it was from anything I had ever read, I was compelled to keep reading and just “knew” this was right.
I was on my own studying for a long time and anytime I met someone else who studied it I was just astounded, and not a little relieved. It was good to know that if I was crazy to be doing this strange course at least I was not the only one. Now of course, I have lots of company and I have started thinking of us as the only sane ones in the world.
It is no kind of stretch for me now to realize that I do have a place; it is just not in this world. I belong to God. So does everyone else, but I know I belong to God. I am as God created me, and where He created me. Oh yes, there is no “where.” We made that up. Oh well. However it works, I am in God and of God and nothing can change that.
When I have those periodic amnesiac moments and forget my Self, I begin to think I am someplace else and something else, but that doesn’t make it true. My truth was written in the stars and set into the Heavens with a shining Ray that held it safe within eternity and through all time as well. I don’t have to worry about losing myself anymore.
When I become temporarily confused again, I just rest in God and wait for sanity to return. It might look like I am upset, but that is just an appearance. Under that appearance is certainty that is borne of experience and something greater than experience, something more certain. I don’t have a clear understanding of it but I realize now that doesn’t matter. I am just grateful for it.
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