III. The Correction of Error, P 6
6 You cannot correct yourself. Is it possible, then, for you to correct another? Yet you can see him truly, because it is possible for you to see yourself truly. It is not up to you to change your brother, but merely to accept him as he is. His errors do not come from the truth that is in him, and only this truth is yours. His errors cannot change this, and can have no effect at all on the truth in you. To perceive errors in anyone, and to react to them as if they were real, is to make them real to you. You will not escape paying the price for this, not because you are being punished for it, but because you are following the wrong guide and will therefore lose your way.
I was spending some time with a friend who was upset that she had gained weight. I know how this feels, this gaining weight when you think you shouldn’t, and when you think it means something. I know very well because I still become confused about that. I wanted to commiserate, and to suggest solutions. Mostly I just listened. I talked a little about guilt as the real culprit rather than food, but mostly I just let her talk.
But I kept thinking about it and I noticed my stomach tightening a little as I thought about it. Yep, this is still an issue for me. I wanted to send her a note this morning telling her I know how she feels and talking about it in a positive way. But as I noticed my reaction, this “need” to help, I realized that I can’t help. I am totally identified with the problem and from that place I can only add to the confusion.
I want to help because I love this person, but I think she needs help (correction) because I think she has a real problem. I want to help because it makes me uncomfortable to see her error. I see her error and my stomach tightens because it mirrors a problem in my mind that I don’t want to acknowledge. So this morning, instead of giving advice or commiserating, I did something helpful. I asked that my mind be healed. I remembered that above all else I want to see.
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