V. The Unhealed Healer
1 The ego’s plan for forgiveness is far more widely used than God’s. This is because it is undertaken by unhealed healers, and is therefore of the ego. Let us consider the unhealed healer more carefully now. By definition, he is trying to give what he has not received. If an unhealed healer is a theologian, for example, he may begin with the premise, “I am a miserable sinner, and so are you.” If he is a psychotherapist, he is more likely to start with the equally incredible belief that attack is real for both himself and the patient, but that it does not matter for either of them.
Journal
When I was in college, I had a breakdown, which I think of as so much ego pain and suffering that I broke under it. I went for therapy and in the process, the therapist helped me to see that all my problems were my mom’s fault. My ego self was enormously relieved. Here I thought I was the one who was responsible and had no way of changing it, so I was doomed. Then this lady helped me to see that, yes, I was screwed up and had made some terrible mistakes, but then she showed me how it was caused by my mother’s behavior. The relief I felt was very temporary because nothing was solved. She encouraged me to shift the blame so that I didn’t feel quite so guilty, or at least that I was not born flawed. However, now the problem is real and there is no solution.
I got through the rough spot, and went on thinking I was damaged but surviving, taking solace in that I was able to cope and even improve my ego. Of course at the time I didn’t know that there was anything but the ego. In perfect timing I found A Course in Miracles and I learned about the ego and that I am not that. I learned about forgiveness and through forgiving myself I was able to forgive my mother for what she had not done. It is funny when I think about it now, but not so much while it was happening. From my present perspective I can see that the therapist was an unhealed healer, doing the best she could under those circumstances. I doubt I could have heard anything else at that time in my life anyway, so she was the perfect solution for me at that time. She relieved the pressure long enough for me to survive the pain and reach a level of spiritual maturity that made real healing possible.
If a friend or a student comes to me with a problem, and I try to help them find a solution within the story, I am making the same mistake. I am making the problem real and then trying to help them change the problem so it is not so painful. For instance, a friend had a relationship problem and wanted me to look at it with her. I did so, and I could see that there were some basic communication skills that would help solve this problem. I did share that information with her, but if that was all I had done, I would have been helpful only in the short course of things. Instead I helped her to see her projections and we talked about withdrawing those projections and allowing her mind to be healed so that she could perceive the situation differently. This helped her to see that it was not a real problem, but simply a misperception. I did not add to her fear that the problem was real, but helped her to see it was just an error in thinking that was easily solved.
There was a time I could not have done this because I had unhealed relationship issues of my own. When a friend asked me to help her with her relationship problem, I could see myself getting sucked into the story because it was too similar to the story I had going. I believed her problem was real because I believed my problem was real. I could not offer her help because my mind was clogged with unhealed beliefs and so I could not receive guidance about what to say. I suggested someone else who could help her. I then asked the Holy Spirit for help in healing my mind of these misperceptions so that I could be helpful in the future and with some work, this was done. That way when someone else came to me I was a healed healer and could be truly helpful.
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