V. The Unhealed Healer P 3
3 There is an advantage to bringing nightmares into awareness, but only to teach that they are not real, and that anything they contain is meaningless. The unhealed healer cannot do this because he does not believe it. All unhealed healers follow the ego’s plan for forgiveness in one form or another. If they are theologians they are likely to condemn themselves, teach condemnation and advocate a fearful solution. Projecting condemnation onto God, they make Him appear retaliative, and fear His retribution. What they have done is merely to identify with the ego, and by perceiving what it does, condemn themselves because of this confusion. It is understandable that there have been revolts against this concept, but to revolt against it is still to believe in it.
Journal
“There is an advantage to bringing nightmares into awareness, but only to teach that they are not real, and that anything they contain is meaningless.”
This is what I do with my stories. I feel upset about something, and I ask for clarity. I have been upset about some things happening at work and so I look at my feelings, and my thoughts about what is happening. From there I might remember the first time I felt like this, and see the apparent cause of my current feelings. But what I know is that none of it is real and all of it is meaningless, both what is happening now and what happened in the past. When I feel otherwise, I ask that my mind be healed of that belief.
This is very different than how I felt about it and handled problems in the past. Before I learned differently through the study and practice of the Course, I would look for the person who was to blame, someone on whom I could project all my bad feelings. I would look for someone that I could see as guilty, or at least someone who could share the blame.
I would look at the current players and I would look at people from my past, people I could blame for my present behavior. All the time I was seeing guilty parties everywhere I looked, I was making it all very real, and so impossible to forgive. This is the way to keep a problem, and to exasperate the problem so it becomes even bigger in the mind. It certainly doesn’t lead to healing.
When I am in the middle of a nightmare experience, the ego mind believes in the reality of the situation and wants to control it. But I don’t know what anything is for and so I resist that urge as much as I can. I trust that my story is taking me to the situations most helpful for the healing of my mind, in spite of the ego’s insistence that I need to do something within the story.
When I identify with guilt, I am identifying with ego. I am identified with myself as ego. The ego is going to be wrong, but I am not the ego. However, I will lose sight of that if I indulge in guilt, directed at another or at myself. The whole battle is a farce because it is between what is real and what is not real. As I allow my thoughts to be corrected, this is what I begin to understand. I am not the ego, and neither is anyone else. I don’t want to teach this lie, and so I am vigilant for signs that I am identifying with the unreal.
The only way to return my mind to the Kingdom is to see that I have been wrong about both myself, and my brother, and to change my mind about what I want. In order to do that I must take my eyes off of the fear and guilt and bring my focus to the truth. I am as God created me. My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy. My ego can be wrong, but I am incapable of sin.
I am one with my brothers, all of them, and the only way to know this is to be inclusive in this union. As I learn that I yearn for union, and as I learn that I want to be inclusive, I heal the mind, not just mine, but the entire sleeping mind. To leave anyone outside of forgiveness is to teach separation, and therefore to learn it. My brothers are as incapable of sin as am I. This is the only thing I want to teach and therefore to learn. I want to be a healed healer, and so be a true healer.
The other thing that caught my attention in this paragraph is that while many religions teach guilt and fear, and while that is not healing, neither is it healing for me to rebel against it. To be in revolt against the people who do this and to revolt against the religions that teach falsely, is to single out and make separate. It is to fracture the very union that I desire.
I may not listen to the sermon or attend the church, but I no longer condemn, because I am no longer at war with them. Everyone here is here because they are confused about what they are. Forgiveness heals, and forgiveness is the recognition that nothing has been accomplished in an illusion and so no one is guilty in the illusion. I don’t feel threatened by other belief systems. I know that they all lead to salvation eventually.
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