VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity
1 Grandeur is of God, and only of Him. Therefore it is in you. Whenever you become aware of it, however dimly, you abandon the ego automatically, because in the presence of the grandeur of God the meaninglessness of the ego becomes perfectly apparent. When this occurs, even though it does not understand it, the ego believes that its “enemy” has struck, and attempts to offer gifts to induce you to return to its “protection.” Self-inflation is the only offering it can make. The grandiosity of the ego is its alternative to the grandeur of God. Which will you choose?
Journal
I have slipped in and out of grandeur, sometimes the “however dimly” type, and occasionally, something closer to reality. I notice each time that it is the ego mind offering me its dubious gifts that draws my attention back to the illusion. I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting this, even the subtle call of the dream. I often remind myself of what is happening, even as it is happening. I say to myself, “This is the ego trying to entice me back into the dream.” Sometimes that snaps me out of it, and sometimes it is an opportunity to ask for help with it.
I have a card that I am carrying with me today. It has three statements of truth on it. I carry this with me today to reinforce this truth. I will look at it periodically, and especially if I notice myself choosing ego. It says:
Spirit am I, a holy son of God, free of all limits, safe and healed and whole, free to forgive, and free to save the world. And, God Himself is incomplete without me. And, My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.
Since I wrote that card out and contemplated the power of those words, the ego has been working overtime to get my attention. As I was getting ready for work, I became aware of the ego chatter that still goes on in my mind, especially at times like this. That chatter is the ego attempt to pull me away from the truth of my being and back to the ego idea of life.
I was thinking of work, and I was having this imaginary conversation with my boss defending my image as a really good sales person. The ego likes this one because it has actual proof that this true and because I used to care so much about this. Because I have lost interest in seeing myself as a good sales person, I soon grow bored with this inner conversation and that’s when I notice that this is the ego offering me grandiosity in place of the grandeur of the words in the statement of truth on my card.
As soon as I stop listening to how great my salesperson image is, the ego tries its scare tactics. If I stop caring about sales, I will suffer for it. I will lose customers and wind up getting fired before I am ready to retire. And anyway, who would I be without my salesperson image? And that’s when it offers me another grandiose image; you would be an awesome minister and course teacher. You would write books everyone would want to read. People would be lining up to become your student.
Well, I am exaggerating because if it were that blatant I would just laugh. But though it is subtler, that is the image the ego offers. It would make of my ministry just another way to be separate and attack my brothers. It says that it will be worth my soul to be seen as grand. There was a time when I believed everything the ego promised and every threat it made. There was a time when I lived for the achievements regardless of the cost to my brothers, no matter who I had to attack to get that win. And I suffered equally when I failed as I inevitably would, because an achievement made at the expense of another is no achievement.
What is helpful to me is that I now recognize the ego chatter about my image and how I must defend it for what it is. I might get briefly interested in what it has to say, but I always change my mind. Even its fear tactics are not enough to pull me away from my purpose, at least not for long. I have seen the light, as they say. And in that light I see that it is easy to distinguish the difference between grandiosity and grandeur. I am willing to know the truth and accept it. I am going to remind myself often, today, of what I am. I am going to be vigilant for the ego chatter that offers me something else and I am going to release it.
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