VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 6
6 The ego depends solely on your willingness to tolerate it. If you are willing to look upon your grandeur you cannot despair, and therefore you cannot want the ego. Your grandeur is God’s answer to the ego, because it is true. Littleness and grandeur cannot coexist, nor is it possible for them to alternate. Littleness and grandiosity can and must alternate, since both are untrue and are therefore on the same level. Being the level of shift, it is experienced as shifting and extremes are its essential characteristic.
Journal
I am so encouraged when I read something like that first line. “The ego depends solely on your willingness to tolerate it.” I am free to stop listening to the ego thinking, and to listen to Holy Spirit instead. I am free to finally stop thinking the ego at all, and without my desire for it, the ego will cease to exist. When I believe the thoughts in my mind it seems like separation is very real, but it is not. That is why I question my thoughts. The Holy Spirit is the arbitrator in this questioning and His judgment is final.
The other thing in this paragraph that caught my attention is that littleness and grandiosity alternate. Yeah, no kidding! They alternate wildly sometimes. It has become more obvious to me lately because I have been paying attention. The ego does not care if I feel arrogant or if I despair at my worthlessness, as long as I see myself as separate and special.
I don’t really know how any of us remain even nominally sane considering how unstable a life based on separation is. I can be ridiculously proud of some completely unimportant accomplishment and think how much better I am than someone else, then in the next moment feel terribly guilty for that thought. The ego loves all this internal drama and it projects it outward and so life can feel like one drama after another.
Now that I am beginning to accept my reality, at least some of the time, the contrast is obvious. I can go for longer periods of time now, feeling more life my Self, and it is like being able to breathe freely after being short of breath for a long time. Or like the sun has come out after a lifetime of living in shadow. Perhaps it is a little scary because I still retreat into my littleness or grandiosity, but I think I could get used to my grandeur. ~smile~
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