10-26-12
50 The miracle compares what you have made with creation, accepting what is in accord with it as true, and rejecting what is out of accord as false.
This is my favorite principle, I think. It is so simple and so clear. I feel that process in my own mind. This is what happened when I was working on the idea of pain. I said to Spirit that I was in pain and that I was ready to have my perception corrected. So each time I felt pain I brought that belief to Him. I still do this every single time no matter what form the pain takes, physical, or emotional. I ask for the truth and I know that pain is not real. God did not create pain so it is not the truth.
I feel grief and I bring it to the Holy Spirit, for the miracle. God did not create grief or loss and so it cannot be so. Again, this is something I made up and so it’s not real. I am released as my perception is corrected. I feel lonely or fearful or bitter, it doesn’t matter the story that seems to be the cause, because what is not real cannot be made real with a story no matter how compelling the story.
When I first began reading the Course and doing the lessons it created a crack in my mind that let in just a little light, and I began to doubt what I thought I knew. It took a long time practicing what I was learning before I was able to accept the healings being offered me. I was fooled at first when these teachings started making sense, because I thought that meant I had changed my mind.
I thought that just because I could see the sense of it I was no longer under the sway of ego beliefs. It became obvious to me that was not the case. That was a confusing and frustrating time for me. I was trying to use the ego mind to heal the ego mind and it wasn’t working. All that was really happening is that I was convincing myself that there was another way and that I wanted it. Next I had to practice what I was learning.
The actual healing, the miracle itself, arises from the mind that is made ready for it. As it says in principle 7, “Miracles are everyone’s right, but purification is necessary first.” Bringing my thoughts to the Holy Spirit for healing and choosing that healing over anything else I think I might want seems to be the way of purification.
The whole process seems to revolve around desire. What is it I desire? Do I desire a pure mind, free of ego thoughts? That is not always as simple as it seems just reading the words on the page. I notice that I sometimes still place value where there is none, such as holding onto fear. If I place value on something that is not a creation of God my mind is not pure, and this is why I cannot ask for a miracle from a place of fear.
My son had a reaction to medical procedure and was in excruciating pain. There was potential for damage and even for death depending on the cause of the reaction. My first reaction was fear and all I wanted to do was pray that he be saved from pain and that I be saved from loss. I wanted that miracle. I wanted to tell him to get up and walk because he was healed.
I did recognize that I was praying, not out of conviction but out of fear, and I knew this was not right. I became open to true healing a bit at a time as I was able. I asked others to stand with me on this. As number 19 says, “Miracles make minds one in God. They depend on cooperation, because the Sonship is the sum of all that God created.”
At one time I could not have done this. I could not have stepped out of my fear. Later I could have done so after the fact, after circumstances had changed enough for me to see more clearly. Even later after more practice of the Course, I could eventually see through my fear even while it was happening, but it would take some time, and it was not certain. This time it was different. Even in the midst of my confusion, I was absolutely certain I wanted a healed mind.
My friends helped me with their unwavering support and by being the strength I leaned on. They sent me words to point the way back to truth. Overnight my prayer became that my mind be healed in the belief in pain, sickness, and suffering. What else is there to heal, after all, but the mind. Accepting the atonement for myself is my only function.
As my mind began to clear I realized that I do trust Spirit. I trust my script and my son’s script to provide only and all that is needed for our awakening. I went with him to his next procedure and the pain was really awful, and the doctor did not instill confidence. When I felt fear rising in me I acknowledged it and then I remembered to ask the Holy Spirit for help to see clearly. When I felt fear it was as if a fog encased me and kept me from the truth, but I knew what I wanted and I refused to believe in the fog and so it went away. I did this each time fear came.
It seems like it is a body that needs healing and the more desperate our fear the more this seems to be true. But it is always the mind that needs correction. We made fear and pain. We made sickness and suffering. We made death. Now it is time for us to compare these things with creation and to reject what is out of accord with it. I see that fear is the first of these. When I let go of fear and embrace truth instead, all the rest follows. I give my complete willingness to healing and the miracle is the result.
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