4-3-13
3 When you lack confidence in what someone will do, you are attesting to your belief that he is not in his right mind. This is hardly a miracle-based frame of reference. It also has the disastrous effect of denying the power of the miracle. The miracle perceives everything as it is. If nothing but the truth exists, right-minded seeing cannot see anything but perfection. I have said that only what God creates or what you create with the same Will has any real existence. This, then, is all the innocent can see. They do not suffer from distorted perception.
For the last two days I have had an experience of lacking confidence in what someone will do. A friend has been sick and I have experienced confusion about it. In my mind I have had thoughts about what she is doing wrong, about what she is thinking that is wrong. Then I would want to school her and get her back on the right track. I would want to use whatever means I could to bring her to good health. I was tempted to use guilt, to make her feel wrong so she would change her behavior.
Even as all of this was going through my mind, I knew it was not right-minded thinking and that it meant I was an unhealed healer. I had prayed for her, but I was now the one in need of healing. For a while I was in that uncomfortable place where I knew I needed a change of mind but was having trouble taking my eye off the thing that scared me. I was in conflict and conflict causes fear, and fear causes confusion.
So here is what I did. Since I was now the unhealed healer, I asked for help. I opened myself to the Atonement and asked that Love heal my mind. Then I asked that I be guided to right-minded words and actions. I was told to just focus on love and anything I needed to say or do would come through me. I felt immediate peace and it was such a relief. I’m not used to being in confusion anymore and have little tolerance for it.
The next thing that happened is that I began to feel the love I have for my friend. This was real love that believed in her and trusted her. It was love without fear and judgment. I felt a strong desire to tell my friend how much I love her, so I acted on that guidance and called her. I felt kind of silly just calling out of nowhere and telling her that I love her very much and just wanted her to know. But I knew I was supposed to.
I did feel awkward at first, but she responded positively and it was a short but loving conversation. In that moment she and I joined in perfect agreement on this one thing. It was a holy instant. Later her caretaker told me she was responding better today. I felt like it was our shared moment of allowing love that changed things.
Of course the ego mind thought it was responsible and started thinking of things it could do to keep the momentum going. I recognized this for what it was and brought the desire to “do” something to the Holy Spirit. I received another strong message. It said, “When you think about her clear your mind of everything except love.” Well, ok. The ego hates not having anything to decide and nothing to do, but it makes me feel very peaceful to follow this guidance.
So this morning as I read this paragraph I realize that I just went through a practice of regaining confidence in my friend through the healing of my own mind. It’s funny when I think of it, to realize that I thought she needed to see things differently and all along it was me that needed a change of mind.
How will it turn out for my friend? Will her body heal? I don’t know. I don’t know how her story will unfold or where her lessons will take her. I don’t feel upset about that, nor am I suffering from the misconception that I know how it needs to happen. I trust her and I trust the Guide that gently plans each step of our way home.
I trust that she is healed and that she will accept her healing when she is ready for it. Just because she has not accepted it today, or even in this lifetime, does not in any way alter the healing. It seems my only job is to love her and to trust in the miracle that has occurred through our love. If I allow lack of trust to obscure the miracle again, I will simply ask for healing of my mind.
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