9-25-12
31 Miracles should inspire gratitude, not awe. You should thank God for what you really are. The children of God are holy and the miracle honors their holiness, which can be hidden but never lost.
If I see a miracle, or experience a miracle and feel awe, it is because I don’t really believe I am holy. Miracles are not a special gift to us; they are our right because of who we are. When I don’t experience miracles I should be surprised, not the other way around.
I was thinking about times when I experienced miracles. Once I was caught up in a grievance. I was so angry with someone that I could not imagine ever forgiving them. I hated that feeling and wanted so much to be free of it, but then I would think about how wrong that person was and how much they hurt me. I prayed and prayed and tried affirmations and cried, and nothing happened for the longest time.
Then one day I didn’t want that grievance. I didn’t care who was right. I didn’t care if I seemed to be hurt. I just didn’t want it. The miracle occurred. Years, literally years, of anger, frustration, hatred, guilt and fear just melted away as if they had never been. It was immediate and complete and it happened because that is what I wanted. Am I powerful, or what?
The miracle could not be forced on me or torn from me. But the moment I wanted it without reservation, it was mine. I was reminded of this while reading a novel yesterday. It is called A Discovery of Witches. In it a young witch has been spell-bound. For the longest time she could not use her magic.
She remembered being able to use magic long ago when she was just a child, but that ended when she was seven and lost her parents. Then when she opened an ancient manuscript she began to experience her magic, but only what seemed to be in a random way. Eventually she discovers she is spell-bound and the spell keeps her magic from being forced from her by anyone, even herself.
The reason the magic sometimes works is because it only works when she needs it. It seemed random because sometimes the need was minor and so she didn’t put the two things together. She would try to make a spell work, but no matter how hard she tried to force the magic nothing happened. But she would need a book from the shelf and it would appear next to her. So she learned to relax and not worry about the magic, knowing it would be there when she needed it.
This was how the miracle of the disappearing grievance happened for me. I have power beyond imagining and can and do make things appear and disappear. In fact nothing occurs without my consent. But my power is “spell-bound.” For reasons of my own I wanted to experience life as if I were not an unlimited being and so enchanted myself. My power cannot be forced from me, not even by myself. The Holy Spirit can only point the way; He cannot force me to be my Self.
Like the witch in my story I too am on a quest to find the answer to this spell. She is following clues and being supported by those who love her. Part of the answer lies in joining with another person to find the solution and this joining in a single purpose is an essential part in unbinding her magic. Sound familiar?
The witch in the story finds many clues in an ancient manuscript and I find my clues in A Course in Miracles. It is peppered with reminders of who I am, but like the witch I am reading about, I at first did not understand them. This is because I have really believed my experience of being powerless meant that I was powerless, just as she really believed she could not do magic because she was not doing it.
In order to regain her magic the witch had to stop trying to force it, and in order to regain my power I had to learn that I could not make it happen but I could allow it to happen. My power responds to my undivided will, or another way to say it is that my desire must be whole.
It turns out she could have magic when she needed it. I have miracles when I truly want them. Her magic could not be forced and my power cannot be forced. Like my witch, discovering my power has created conviction in that power.
The reason I had to wait for so long for the miracle of a healed grievance is because I didn’t really want it, not if it meant giving up my resentment and letting the other person off the hook. What I was really praying for was that the other person should remain guilty.
The problem with that was I had to remain in the prison of guilt to which I had condemned the other person. After all, I couldn’t take my eyes off the hate in case he escaped from it. It was insane behavior for a person who claimed to want freedom from pain and suffering. I could not force the situation to resolve, but the moment my desire for freedom was complete, the prison disappeared and we were both freed. Just like that! It was a miracle.
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