9 Your mind is dividing its allegiance between two kingdoms, and you are totally committed to neither. Your identification with the Kingdom is totally beyond question except by you, when you are thinking insanely. What you are is not established by your perception, and is not influenced by it at all. Perceived problems in identification at any level are not problems of fact. They are problems of understanding, since their presence implies a belief that what you are is up to you to decide. The ego believes this totally, being fully committed to it. It is not true. The ego therefore is totally committed to untruth, perceiving in total contradiction to the Holy Spirit and to the knowledge of God.
Part of my mind believes I am this body/personality. It gives its allegiance to the idea that I am Myron and that I live in this body and in this world, and I will die here. This part of my mind believes that it is up to me to decide what I am and that I can make my decision true simply by deciding on it. I don’t know anything; I perceive and I think that my perceptions are meaningful.
Part of my mind knows who and what I am. I am God’s Son, free and whole and perfect, and I exit in Him and as part of Him. I don’t think; I know. I am not influenced in any way by the part of the mind that is insane. No matter what I think, I simply am as I was created and nothing I think or do can alter that in any way. I am a creator but I am not my own creator.
As long as I try to hold onto both ideas I will be in conflict. If I want peace, and I do, I must let go of one identity and become totally dedicated to the other. It is not possible to be totally committed to a lie, and why would I want to anyway. I have already made my decision to return my whole mind to God, and now it is just a matter of commitment and vigilance.
I watch my mind for the dark thoughts that take me deeper into the illusion and realize they are meaningless and that I am not interested in them. This is not hard to do and when it seems hard it is only because I have placed value where there is none and I change my mind. I don’t have to do anything to be my Self, I just stop trying to be something else.
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