V. The Undivided Will of the Sonship P 5
5 Would you know the Will of God for you? Ask it of me who knows it for you and you will find it. I will deny you nothing, as God denies me nothing. Ours is simply the journey back to God Who is our home. Whenever fear intrudes anywhere along the road to peace, it is because the ego has attempted to join the journey with us and cannot do so. Sensing defeat and angered by it, the ego regards itself as rejected and becomes retaliative. You are invulnerable to its retaliation because I am with you. On this journey you have chosen me as your companion instead of the ego. Do not attempt to hold on to both, or you will try to go in different directions, and will lose the way.
I am very aware of ego retaliation. I used to think that when I would slip back into ego it meant that I was weak and vulnerable and that my best efforts came to naught. I believed this because that’s what the thoughts in my mind were saying to me. When that happened I felt like a failure and that I couldn’t do this. That left me in an impossible place since I couldn’t go back to complete ignorance and yet couldn’t go forward. It was hard because I had not yet detached from my ego identity enough to realize that I am not that defeatist voice I was listening to.
It’s different now even though I still notice the ego thoughts in my mind and sometimes get hooked by them. When I experience a significant shift in my thinking, I especially get bombarded by ego thoughts. This is the ego part of the mind trying to pull me back into the story. It tries anything and everything to get me interested. It says others are guilty, I’m guilty, I’m never going to succeed, I’m a failure, I’m overworked and put upon.
I still hear all that nonsense and sometimes listen and believe for a little while, but I never fall for it like I did before. Yesterday the ego tried again and I felt bad about myself for a few minutes, then turned away from it. I cannot yet avoid the ego voice completely, but I can choose the voice I would believe. I made a deliberate choice to remember the truth. I gave the ego thoughts to Holy Spirit and asked that they be removed from my mind. Each time I do this, I become more certain of my true identity and the ego hold on the mind loosens some more.
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