IV. The Gift of Freedom P 7
7 If your will were not mine it would not be our Father’s. This would mean you have imprisoned yours, and have not let it be free. Of yourself you can do nothing, because of yourself you are nothing. I am nothing without the Father and you are nothing without me, because by denying the Father you deny yourself. I will always remember you, and in my remembrance of you lies your remembrance of yourself. In our remembrance of each other lies our remembrance of God. And in this remembrance lies your freedom because your freedom is in Him. Join, then, with me in praise of Him and you whom He created. This is our gift of gratitude to Him, which He will share with all His creations, to whom He gives equally whatever is acceptable to Him. Because it is acceptable to Him it is the gift of freedom, which is His Will for all His Sons. By offering freedom you will be free.
I don’t think I have ever really understood the concept of free will. At first, I thought it was some kind of boon that I was free to decide between unlimited options, even though I didn’t understand the far-reaching consequences. I was like a child let lose in place with many sharp objects among the toys.
As I began to understand how little I know and how much I have hurt myself in the past with my choosing, and as I began to understand that exercising my “free will” was keeping me in hell, I became afraid of it. “You decide for me, God,” was not a prayer of thanksgiving as it should have been, but a prayer of fear, asking to be relieved of free will because I didn’t know how to use it.
Now I am beginning to understand that what I thought of as free will was my will imprisoned. When I imagined I could will for something outside God, I entangled my will with idle wishes that hurt me. Could it be freedom to be separate from my true nature, to be separate from absolute and unending peace and joy? Is it freedom to be separate from unlimited strength and power? Is it freedom to be fragile and weak and to suffer and die?
Now I seek true freedom as I disentangle my mind from the separation idea. I ask frequently, “What am I?” Slowly, my mind is opening to the reality of my being. I am being revealed to my self. I have periods of time when I almost know what it is to be spirit rather than body, to be one rather than separate. I feel like Jesus is my beloved brother and gratitude overcomes me as I think of that. I feel joined with all my brothers, and they feel precious to me. My will is free to remember what we all are to each other and so to remember God.
Then the ego mind tries to reassert itself and I sink back into the story I made up. This is very uncomfortable because in those time when I am tasting my freedom, I am. I am so much closer to knowing my free will, then I am back into ego and I am Myron. It is starting to feel claustrophobic. Maybe I am reaching the tipping point and soon my will will be completely free.
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