I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 6
6 It is impossible to communicate in alien tongues. You and your Creator can communicate through creation, because that, and only that is Your joint Will. A divided mind cannot communicate, because it speaks for different things to the same mind. This loses the ability to communicate simply because confused communication does not mean anything. A message cannot be communicated unless it makes sense. How sensible can your messages be, when you ask for what you do not want? Yet as long as you are afraid of your will, that is precisely what you are asking for.
My Creator doesn’t speak English. He doesn’t speak words at all. We cannot communicate in that way. We communicate through creation only. I have to admit that I don’t know how I do this, but I know that I must, because in another place in the Course it says that we communicate directly with God. It must be heart to Heart. My truest desires and my truest love is received by God without the interference of inadequate words and concepts, and without the confusion I suffer when I try to communicate through my ego mind.
Do I ask for what I do not want? All the time. I have become more aware of this conflicted asking since I began practicing Lesson 325. It says that everything I see is a reflection of a process in my mind that begins with a desire, becomes an image in my mind, and is then projected outward where I can look at it, believe it and defend it.
So as I notice situations in my life that are upsetting in some way, I ask myself what it was that I desired. What I am discovering is that I desired something, made an image of it, and in my experience of that image I often suffer. For instance, I had some physical discomfort this weekend. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me the desire that caused this image to be made and I saw that I wanted to suffer physical pain.
All this healing of the mind is challenging the ego and physical pain has been effective in the past as a deterrent to the idea I am not a body. It is also a major distraction and keeps the mind focused on the story rather than the cause of the story. So I can see why I desired pain. There can be other reasons, too, but the issue right now is that I desire pain, and then when I get the pain, I don’t want it.
Like Jesus said, I ask for what I don’t want. I don’t want the pain I asked for because then I have an unpleasant experience, but mainly because it teaches me that I am something I am not. What I truly want is to remember what I am, and I am certainly not the frail sickly body I asked for. Noticing this process, becoming aware of and accepting that I did indeed choose to experience pain, is helping me to accept full responsibility for the world I made, and it is helping me to allow the mind to be healed.
I could have taken medicine this weekend, but fixing the image I made isn’t really fixing the problem. Neither is it helpful to try to think differently. The one who thinks she is a body in a real world is the one who wants the pain to go away by thinking different thoughts. She is an image I have made as well. What I did instead is to realize that the desire to be in pain is the point of healing and to ask the Holy Spirit to remove that from the mind, now, and forever.
These insane thoughts are making an insane world, and the way to correct this is to allow the Holy Spirit to heal the mind. When there are no more insane thoughts in the mind, all desire will come from the Love that we are and the images we make will be the real world, or the happy world that Jesus talks about. From that place, we will be lifted up by our Creator, and all else will disappear.
This weekend it looked like I just wanted to be pain free, but what I really wanted was a healed mind. I wasn’t just asking to feel better; I was asking to return the mind to its natural state, to be free of all conflict and to return my awareness to true creation, and to full communication with my Creator.
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