Chapter 9: THE ACCEPTANCE OF THE ATONEMENT
I. The Acceptance of Reality
1 Fear of the Will of God is one of the strangest beliefs the human mind has ever made. It could not possibly have occurred unless the mind were already profoundly split, making it possible for it to be afraid of what it really is. Reality cannot “threaten” anything except illusions, since reality can only uphold truth. The very fact that the Will of God, which is what you are, is perceived as fearful, demonstrates that you are afraid of what you are. It is not, then, the Will of God of which you are afraid, but yours.
The words here are very clear. I am the will of God and so to be afraid of the Will of God is really to be afraid of my own will. The confusion occurs because I still identify with ego, and the ego mind would rather incur what it thinks of as the wrath of God than to relinquish its hold on the idea of a separate will. It recognizes that to know what it truly is would end its tenuous hold on this illusory separate will.
While there is still some identity with ego, I am awakening to my true self. I am remembering what I am. My desire for that memory is growing stronger each day. It is the craziest thing to have these two voices in my mind and to be fully aware of both. When this first started happening I experienced the conflict more acutely than when I didn’t know what was going on, and it seemed things were getting worse. Over time I learned to trust the process. I then moved through the conflict to greater awareness of the truth and so to a more peaceful place.
I stayed there for awhile, and then I began to feel like I had lost it all. What seems to be happening is that I am returning to the confused mind to allow more unconscious guilt and fear to be uncovered and undone. It is not as hard now because I understand what is happening, though sometimes I get caught up in the ego story and temporarily lose my detachment. Then I become discouraged by what looks like a loss of what I had gained, but I always receive help when I ask.
It appears to be very important now that I am open to the true thoughts in my mind, and that I allow my focus to remain there as much as possible. I am not afraid of the ego thoughts I find in my mind, but I notice the tendency to be discouraged and to feel like giving up. That’s laughable when I think about it.
What would I give up, to? How would I not know the truth now that I know it? It is a ridiculous notion and so I know it is just another ego strategy to maintain the separate will. When I start feeling frustrated, I ask the question, “What am I?” This question tends to break the circular thinking of the ego. Sometimes I receive thoughts from Holy Spirit when I ask this and sometimes I receive the peace of God. But however it comes, I am reassured that I am the Will of God and there is nothing else I could be. This is true in spite of what my confusion seems to tell me.
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