I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 2
2 Your will is not the ego’s, and that is why the ego is against you. What seems to be the fear of God is really the fear of your own reality. It is impossible to learn anything consistently in a state of panic. If the purpose of this course is to help you remember what you are, and if you believe that what you are is fearful, then it must follow that you will not learn this course. Yet the reason for the course is that you do not know what you are.
“What am I?” is the question I ask the Holy Spirit frequently. I ask it whenever it comes into my mind. I especially ask this question when I feel trapped in my own beliefs. I have experienced some major shifts recently, and the ego response has been very strong. It can be very discouraging to move forward only to meet that wall of resistance.
It was helpful this morning to find a quote from Mooji on Facebook. This is what it said:
Very often, when you are guided into the direct experience of the Self
the mind rises up for its biggest fight.
But just stay put and feel the turbulence without identifying personally.
You are likely to get annoyed with this advice as you are still inclined to protect your relationship with the mind, but try and follow my pointing and just observe with detachment.
Now is the time where you must discern what is the mind and what is You.
What is so disturbed? What is rebelling so much?
Is this your true Self?
At this point, many give up, because the mind becomes unbearable.
It rebels more on this path than on any other path, because on other paths the mind is included not threatened.
But do you want to be spiritual or free?
~ Mooji
24th of November, 2014
The ego mind will fight against awakening. When I identify too closely to the ego, I forget that its thoughts and feelings are not mine. Then I become confused. Of course I become confused! It is like being two people at once, and the two people are completely opposed. I wake up with the thought that I give this day to Holy Spirit, and that thought is immediately followed by a feeling of anxiety for the coming day.
I reject the second feeling as being ego resistance to surrender. It is the ego demanding its right to make plans and decisions, and to decide what everything means. But “I” seem to be having the thoughts and the feelings and so I become discouraged. This continues until my mind is muddled and I start to believe the ego “proof” that I am just kidding myself that I am awakening. And back and forth I go in this insane attempt to find peace in a split mind.
I pull myself out of this with the question, “What am I?” I want to know. I really want to know. I want to know my Self. I want to remember what it is to be in God and part of God, to be so completely loved that nothing can touch the certainty of love. I want this more than I want to be the director of my little kingdom of separation. While the ego insists that I am wasting my time and that I should just give up, at least for this life time, I just keep asking, “What am I?” I am not that obstinate and frightened voice of ego, that’s for sure.
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