II. The Voice for God, Paragraph 5
10-8-13
5 God does not guide, because He can share only perfect knowledge. Guidance is evaluative, because it implies there is a right way and also a wrong way, one to be chosen and the other to be avoided. By choosing one you give up the other. The choice for the Holy Spirit is the choice for God. God is not in you in a literal sense; you are part of Him. When you chose to leave Him He gave you a Voice to speak for Him, because He could no longer share His knowledge with you without hindrance. Direct communication was broken because you had made another voice.
I made a voice other than God’s and decided to believe everything it said as if it were my god now. That’s kind of scary when I think about it, and I suppose that little twinge of anxiety I feel when I write this is because I am touching on that deep well of unconscious guilt that resides deep in my mind. I think I replaced God and now He can’t even talk to me because I cut Him out of my awareness. It feels scary because I am afraid He is angry about this, but if He were angry He would not have given me a Guide, a Voice to speak for Him.
Direct communication with God has been cut off, not by Him, but by me. I chose to make another voice and I can choose for God instead. This is what I am doing as I practice A Course in Miracles. I am choosing to have the ego undone because the ego is the thing that hinders our communication. I do this by choosing the Holy Spirit over the ego and by doing this consistently until I no longer hear two voices.
There are times when I feel like this is an impossible task. I am encouraged to know that I am in God. How could I be separated from God when I live in Him? And yet, I am no longer in direct communication with my Creator, and I am no longer in peace. The only answer must be that I am not actually separate, but am dreaming of being separate. I am now tired of this dream and am ready to wake up. The Holy Spirit is guiding me out of the dream as I allow Him to undo the ego a belief at a time.
I used to have very low self esteem. Every time I would feel less-than I would ask for healing. I slowly let go of each mistaken thought as I allowed the Holy Spirit to replace that thought with a true one. I cannot hold two diametrically opposed beliefs at the same time. If I believe Holy Spirit then the ego belief is gone. It really is that simple, and yet it took years for me to accept that I cannot be less than someone else. It was not Holy Spirit doing a poor job of guiding me; it was me being balky at letting go of something I thought I needed, but in the end I did it.
Each ego belief that I allow to be undone by the Holy Spirit makes it easier to do the next. He and I are working on a core belief now. I asked Him to help me let go of the belief in guilt, and frankly its kicking my butt. But I know that, together, we will succeed and so it is easier to do than it would have been just a short time ago. The guilty thoughts arise for me to look at with the Holy Spirit, one after another, and I can get temporarily confused and begin to believe them, forgetting the purpose of looking, at least momentarily.
But now even when that happens, even when I am confused, I am not afraid. This is because I have gone through this process often enough to trust it, and there has been enough mind healing that I am more familiar with the process. This is why the Holy Spirit works with us at a pace we can tolerate. If I had done this before I was ready it would not have worked. I would have run from the guilt thoughts, throwing them at others where I could, and furiously burying them as I have before. If there is one thing I have learned it is that I can trust Holy Spirit. If I am guided to look at something it is because I am ready and I can do it.
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