As a child, the fairy tale, “Cinderella” was my favorite story. Wasn’t that what I wanted?—to be rescued from an unloving family, a family that did not understand me?
I was always drawing pictures of what the “ever after” story looked like. That pastime became making up my own inner stories of how I could live a “better” life away from the biological family I was in. I was in a day dreaming state a good part of the time. On my arrival to school I learned to wear masks so I would not be discovered as “different” from my classmates. I was on my guard, trying to fit in, otherwise I was in a fantasy land, it felt safe there.
I guess then it is not surprising that I looked for that “prince” to rescue me the rest of my early adulthood. I found different ones at different times, but none lasted. When I finally realized that I needed to change something about me, then I was led on a different path. In the mid 70’s I began working with “self help” type tapes. In the 80’s I went to 2 annual seminars, and learned through “automatic writing” to listen to the Voice within.
By 1989 I had discovered quite near my home the “light center,” now called Pathways of Light. Still looking at self help, I began taking the courses offered there. There I was introduced to ACIM. When I decided that I needed a copy of this book, I would go into the book store, and silently ask Spirit if it was time for me to “get” the book. I discovered much later, that I did not receive the green light, until my partner was also ready to hear the words. The summer that I brought the book home, I would read aloud for us both, often stumbling over the syntax.
With the recent publication of Gary Renard’s book, I was able to discover that I had not been practicing nor healing as much as I had thought or hoped. The words from his teachers rang clear to me, and stimulated me to go deeper into my closet of beliefs. To look on the world as my dream, and know that it is in my choice to believe the dream or to let it go, and to trust Holy Spirit’s strength; those were the most beneficial ideas to me.
I realize that I have the daily opportunity to practice forgiving. Any form of fear that pops up for me is there so that I can choose to let it go; I can give it to Holy Spirit. The daily practice of giving my thoughts up for correction is now a gift to me, a gift I want to accept. To “see” differently means that I am willing to let go of my version of the world—the version that I thought I wanted. I am learning there is no scary adversary, no vengeful god, no fire breathing dragon, nor evil stepsisters. These pictures were all a diversion to keep me away from the truth.
Some days I practice “better” then other days. Some days the story seems too real, and then of course it is difficult for me to let it go. I hope that as I share my experiences with you, the days of not letting go will become fewer for all of us. (By the way, the thought just accurred to me, that ACIM must be the ultimate “self help” book! I ‘think’ that is humor from Spirit.)
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