These thoughts came to mind this morning.
What am I not forgiving today?
What am I pushing out of awareness, into the corners and vaults of my unconscious mind?
What do I fear to look at—-because the ego believes that it is the undoing of what is real?
What am I not forgiving today?
What if all my thoughts are not real? It would mean that I have been wrong—-and that this world is not real; my life is not real; the circumstances and events are not real.
“No, no, no,” says the ego, “I won’t allow that!”
If my thoughts are not real, then what am I doing?
Just playing an imaginary game, dreaming a game of spite, shame, and guilt. It is a dream game of separation—-and it is not real. But my belief in it makes it seem real indeed. My belief fuels it, makes it grow, warps whatever glimpse of truth that might shine through to my mind.
I dreamed that I needed a world to hide in, to hide from an angry, killing god. I dreamed that I deserved punishment for my treason to my Creator. (Somewhere in my mind, there is the knowledge that I did not create myself.)
I dreamed that by punishing myself, that that would appease an angry god, buying me “time.” Am I willing now to lay down this foolish game, to lay aside the defenses against truth? Am I willing to follow a different teacher, rather that keep what I have “taught” myself?
Am I willing to be happy rather than right?
Piece by piece, I forgive the thoughts that make my dream. It seems to be piece by piece—-but I really have no concept of how far my forgiveness reaches into the dream.
I forgive the thoughts that seem to separate me from everyone, and from my Creator.
I forgive the thoughts that make me seem special, or wounded, unworthy, sad, sick, vile.
I forgive the thoughts that I project onto others around me. I forgive the pictures/images that I think I see outside of me. I forgive what I think I know—-I remind myself that I do not know what anything is for, nor what anything means.
Does this seem impossible to do?
It is possible because I choose a Teacher Whose only purpose is to free me from my insane wishes, waking me from my dream of fear and despair. The Holy Spirit remembers the truth for me, and always gives the truth to me as I am ready.
Let me remember my readiness——let me remember there is no love but God’s. Let me remember that I remain as God created me. I am His creation forever—-and that will never change. Amen.
Thank you Father, for Your gifts to me.
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