I am so grateful for the lessons in the workbook on forgiveness. They help me acknowledge my mistakes; my mistaken thinking which keeps me preoccupied with illusion.
You know, I’m beginning to “see” more clearly. I see that I was not able to forgive the illusion I made about a friend. I felt that I wanted to “change” my mind, and that the other person was not ready to. I wanted to change my mind, and yet allowed the ego to hold it’s perception of the the mess I seemed to be in. In my not letting go of the illusion, I only kept it, and it constantly reflected my beliefs back to me.
I find there are still parts of my mind that need forgiving, as I cannot yet see past the illusion of a messy chaotic house. To me that means there is a ‘past’ that I have not forgiven, that I mistake as real (just as I mistake a messy house as real).
As a child, I did not grow up in a “picture perfect” house. As I went to school and saw other houses that my friends lived in, those houses always appeared in “better” condition then my house. Now, the ego thought tries to justify it’s view, that I don’t need to live in that type of environment any more, so I was “right” in leaving the space that disturbed me so much.
But, perhaps that messy space was only a reflection of my own cluttered mind, my own chaotic thinking. It certainly reflected a need to save things, because of the fear that “I” wouldn’t have enough in the future.
I am willing to give up the thoughts that reflect the idea of “not enough,” of scarcity, lack, and deprivation. The ego system has kept me hypnotized far too long (in my opinion). There is another way to look at this, another way to find the “safety” that some aspect is seeking. It comes by accepting Holy Spirit’s word or feeling or vision. There is relief in accepting Holy Spirit’s help, and by letting go of what I thought was real, whether it was “real” in my distant past or was “real” recently. What I thought was real, was never real at all.
I am willing to give up fear thoughts. I can do this with Holy Spirit’s guidance, as He gives me the thoughts of Love. I still can have bumpy rides with the ego thoughts, but I keep asking for help from the Teacher that would free my mind. And my persistence pays off. I learn that one fear can be shrugged off, as I understand it is totally invalid. Spirit has carried me through some very bumpy rides, and when I am finished with one, I try my best to remember the truth that Spirit gave me when the next fear ride pops up. When I am able to remind myself of the truth, I find it easier to hear Spirit in my current ride. The bumpy fear rides get shorter as I choose to listen to Spirit. That encourages me greatly! Thank you Spirit!
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