The only reason I am not joyful is because I hold the belief that I am guilty. This is not in daily awareness, but hidden carefully in the dark where once I agreed not to approach, look at or question it. I accepted the ego’s story as true, and have lived in fear and doubt with imagined sacrifices, penance and hatred as my companions. As I studied The Course the ego got on its bandwagon to tell me that I was still doing it all wrong, still a failure at following my heart or following Guidance.
I have not yet surrendered (given up) all my fear thoughts to Holy Spirit. A long entrenched habit seems to be cast in stone, untouchable by truth. Yet seen in the light of Love it is revealed to be valueless, meaningless and easily laid aside. The stories I learned and held from the split egoic mind have been false; the ego has lied to me continuously. Is not that enough reason to stop listening to it? Habits are indeed meaningless when they lead nowhere and retain only guilt, pain and resignation.
This is not what a loving Teacher would have me learn. My Holy Self reminds me again and again to choose once more. Indeed I can choose to see my innocence by seeing the compete innocence of others. I can choose to recognize the calls for help and love behind the appearances of conflict, strife, war and deprivation. In fact, the power of my desire is enough to have every fear thought fall away. A sincere request is enough to receive true perception, or healed mind. Awareness of truth returns to mind, peace and joy permeate every minute. I view daily events from above the battleground of egoic thinking. I recognize the holiness of everything as God created it. There is only oneness, unlimited and complete. I overflow in gratitude with Love Itself.
I am not wholly there yet. But every day and each instant I give my willingness to have correction of my thoughts.
I am willing to let go of the false fear story and receive the story of Love. And so It Is.
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