Dear Everyone,
Recently I have been reading “My Stroke of Insight” by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. In this book she records her experience of an unusual type of stroke at the age of 37. Seeing how her recovery spanned 4-8 years, I was able to put my spinal cord experience in perspective.
I had been feeling defeated by the absence of fast recovery from the 2nd transverse myelitis episode. I compared it to the rapid recovery I had had the first time.
I had been thinking that I would never get my abilities back.
But reading of Jill’s experience, of her work and desire to be fully functioning again, that her recovery took several years, means that my recovery is not impossible. It means that I must be patient with my body, with my mind. I need only keep practicing the exercises to strengthen the weak muscles. For the last 10 months my focus has been on the body and its functions. With the 2nd episode of T.M., I felt frustrated. I denied that I had made up this repeated dream. I felt betrayed, and did not trust my Inner Voice. And I felt guilt as I knew I had not been consistent in my listening or spending time with Holy Spirit, to give up the thoughts that plagued me. In my unwillingness, I was stuck. The dream of separation seemed very real to me.
In the back of my mind, there remained the idea that this situation was not God’s Will for me. I could change my mind and stop wallowing in the puddle of self pity
(I’m a victim role). To help me remember the truth about us, I joined with another minister in a Miracles Studies program. Together we remember that minds are joined,
all are in Care of God. That bodies are only symbols of the insane wish to be alone, or independent. To be reminded that this dream of forgetting was over long ago,
and eventually I will fully remember that I (we) have never left our Creator, and He never left us.
With the incentive of hope, I’ve rekindled the spark of love. I have trust returning to my mind. I have willingness to practice not deciding anything on my own. I have willingness to
ask Holy Spirit for insight about my thoughts and then acceptance of His knowing. The transformation that I really want is not for the body….. the transformation of my mind
is my true desire.
I never can do this alone. I need only ask and He will answer. I practice in letting go of the drama, the upsets, the comparing, the slight irritations, the frustration.
I return to peace within my mind. In peace I rest, and am restored. The peace of God is in me now …… it was never gone. Just obscured by images I have thought were real, were important.
I thank Holy Spirit for His insights and His constant love. I thank my brothers for every opportunity to see the Light in them.
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