Back in 2007, when I was first sick, I “knew” that I would recover, I’d be well again. I told myself that being incapacitated was not God’s Will for me. So when I relapsed, the ego system said, “You failed, where’s God’s Will now? You can’t believe in that story, look at what happened. Give it up—- it’s not worth the effort.”
I did stop the outer work of recovery, physical therapy. I also gave up mentally; the fragile trust that I had developed evaporated. This was another “confirmation” of rejection, of not being loved. The ego system had judged me and God, and it was “proving” that Spirit could not be trusted and I should not put my belief there. What a bleak and sad picture it made!
I am coming back to Spirit (it is only my dreaming that I seemed to have left). I‘m bringing my focus back to Spirit’s direction, seeking for witnesses for Love.
In my dream I pray:
Holy Spirit, shine Your Light into this dark story. I no longer want the spiritless to guide me. I want to see the Light, I want to know my holy Self. Let me feel Your presence with every step, let me remember only Love is here. I choose You, H. S., only You. T.Y.V.M.
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