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April-June, 2012

A Lesson in Love

by Rev. Rebecca Brown, O.M.C.

When I moved to Florida a little over a year and a half ago, I moved into a low socioeconomic neighborhood, where it soon became apparent that alcoholism was prevalent. Although I know that this disease transcends all socioeconomic levels, it seemed to be higher here. I suspect that is the result of the depression associated with the unemployment and low incomes that exist here.

I was somewhat dismayed by this as I felt that I had more than my share of relationships with active alcoholics who had hurt me, both in my family and with my intimate partners. I was determined to remain polite but distant from my neighbors. One of my neighbors, about my age whom I shall call Francesca, made several attempts to befriend me but I would not relinquish my judgment about getting too involved, so I remained distant.

About six months ago, she sent me a card and I began to open up more to her. I asked her over for Thanksgiving but was told by her partner that she was in very bad pain and was unable to come. She spent the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas staying indoors due to severe pain in her abdomen. I invited her again at Christmas but she was still unable to come as she was having a great deal of difficulty walking.

During early February, she was forced to see her doctor (I am not sure if it was fear or lack of insurance or both that prevented her from going for help sooner), and she was admitted to the hospital after being told she had only had forty days to live. She found out she had cancer and it had spread to virtually every organ in her body, including her brain, which had several tumors. 

Francesca passed away this week while being cared for in a hospice. Her long–term partner told me that she spent the last few weeks asleep and that she was able to transcend this realm and into the arms of our Father peacefully. I asked her partner if there was going to be any type of memorial service for her and was told there was not going to be one. He said her family lives several thousand miles away and she simply was going to be cremated with no one there to commemorate her life. I felt devastated, as did my family.

Every being contributes equally to this world and should be recognized for that contribution. I know she taught me a great deal about innocence and love. She had always been humble and gentle, even when I refused to let go of my own judgments about her drinking behaviors. I’m not sure she ever knew why I stayed so far away, and if she did, I hope she was able to forgive me for it, as I am learning to forgive myself for allowing my fear to get into the way of expressing the unconditional love we both held within our hearts.

Whatever may have happened in the years she journeyed here, one thing is for certain; she was one of my greatest teachers, whom I deeply love and will always remember, someone who unknowingly assisted in healing me. I thank her for her life, her love, and for her great courage and I thank the Holy Spirit for that holy relationship. I have grown immeasurably from it.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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