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April-June, 2005

Abundance Is Awareness of God’s Eternal Love

by Rev. Linda Wisniewski, O.M.C.

Since my husband lost his job and is starting his own business, money is tight. For me, money was never about acquiring material goods. I was also learning that what we needed to support our needs would be provided for if we put our trust in Holy Spirit’s guidance.

So why did I burst into tears when I was gently asked about making a deposit for my lodging during ordination week? Why did I turn down a friend’s offer to gift me with a ticket to attend a dance concert with her? Why did I become shaky in accepting a gift of Pathways course 908: Abundance Awareness to help me learn the truth about true giving and receiving?

Workbook Lesson 5 in A Course of Miracles states: “I am never upset for the reason I think.” So I knew all the tears weren’t about the gifts that were so lovingly and abundantly being offered to me. I knew it had to be about past beliefs hidden in the darkest recesses of my unconscious mind which needed to come to the light for healing. “Before we can be aware of our true abundant reality, we need to be vigilant to recognize ego thinking and let go of these sick ideas of separation.” (Course 908: Abundance Awareness, p.23)

I invited Holy Spirit to join me in helping me to become aware of my false beliefs and heal them. I was asking Holy Spirit for a miracle. Holy Spirit initially guided me to start writing. The following words came tumbling out onto the page: If you can’t pay for it, you don’t deserve it. It’s shameful to ask for help; where’s your pride? Do you really want everyone to know you are poor? You don’t deserve to be given to because you haven’t done anything to earn it. And, then came the attack thought from the ego: “Fine, if I can’t afford to pay my deposit, I won’t go for my ordination.” This would be ego’s ultimate vengeance to stop me from becoming a minister of God and ego would continue to triumph over my mind.

As I looked at these words, I was shocked but not surprised. I recognized these beliefs as part of a childhood ego script I was still carrying around. In this ego script, my sense of worth and value was tied to having money. In the ego script money was the medium of exchange for giving and receiving love. In the ego script love was also associated with having enough money to give to those you love. Through A Course of Miracles and course 908: Abundance Awareness, I am learning that in the world of illusion, money and everything else of the ego’s making causes feelings of lack, separation, scarcity worthlessness, and specialness. Like the body, money makes false idols. Those who have money, a beautiful body or a special relationship are worshipped like gods who can bestow special favors over ones who don’t have these special things — the haves over the have-nots.

Myron, who has facilitated me through my ministerial training, asked me to consider what would happen when beauty fades, jobs are lost, or a special relationship ends. Does that make me less beautiful, less valued, and less worthy of love? In the ego script, it sure did. My ego self was convinced that I am what I value and I had been taught to value money as well as my body and my special relationships. So, not having these things, or losing these things made me feel the lack more acutely. It made me believe I was worthless and unlovable.

Believing in lack creates guilt; i.e. if I was deserving I wouldn’t be in need. Abundance in the ego script is making us believe our value and self worth is tied to having material things, including special relationships.

I knew that only Holy Spirit could help me correct these false ideas that were causing these feelings of worthlessness. I asked Holy Spirit to correct my false ideas about self worth, love and abundance.

At a Sunday morning meditation service at Pathways of Light, I heard Holy Spirit’s gentle and loving Voice whisper the following to me: “It doesn’t matter how you make a living. Extending Love, peace and joy is doing God’s holy work. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. Receiving God’s limitless Love will fill you with abundance. It doesn’t matter how your body looks. Your true Self lies in the one Mind of God. It doesn’t matter what your title is or what special rewards you receive. Your true value and worth comes from knowing who you are, an Innocent and holy Child of God. You are as God created you in Love. God’s Love for you and all your brothers comes without condition. By receiving His Love you will naturally and freely extend His Love to all. God’s Love for you and all His Children is eternal, timeless and abundant. You are a reflection of His perfection and in this Love you will never lack for anything.”

Holy Spirit is teaching me that love, value and self worth are not tied to having or not having money or anything else in the illusion. With the guidance of Holy Spirit I am learning that, “The real meaning of abundance is accepting the truth of our Reality as Love’s universal presence and nothing else.” (A Course in Miracles Study Course 908, p.26)

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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