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April-June, 2015

Awakening Through My Special Relationships — Part 4: Mom

by Rev. Linda LaCasse, O.M.C.

This article is the fourth in a series of Holy Spirit’s use of my special relationships for the purpose of healing. It pertains to the year preceding the divorce from my second husband. 

New Year’s Day, 2011, my husband was as fully aware as I of the insanity of our marriage and verbalized his distress. For the next several weeks he broached the subject of counseling and every time he did, my blood literally ran cold. I knew what my truth was but I couldn’t speak it.  I often tried to, for I could barely contain my unhappiness, but each time I would be forced to stop upon hearing the words, “not yet.” I knew I was to be patient and wait for Holy Spirit’s guidance and timing.

During this time, my mother had fallen ill and this postponed my husband’s incessant need to know what I wanted to do – counseling or end the marriage. I had no answers for I had no options, no means of income to support myself, no idea how to proceed. I only knew I wanted out for I intuitively knew this relationship had gone as far as it could. I heard Holy Spirit tell me I’d learned all I was going to and it was time to follow Him to where He knew I was to venture next on this journey. But that was all I had to go on. Then, when my mother made her transition in late May of that year, my husband stopped questioning me and let it rest.

A year before my mom laid her body aside, my relationship with her was healed to a holy one. I have seven siblings so the symbolism of wanting to be special to God was played out in my relationship with my mom. I struggled most all my life because of the special love/hate between us but all that changed two years before she passed, once she saw how joyful I was, despite knowing how unhappy I was in my marriage. She’d been terrified when I stopped practicing her beloved Catholicism years before coming to ACIM but she told me she could no longer argue with me regarding this choice because she was aware of how peaceful I’d become, whereas in the past I was angry much of the time. She learned to trust that I truly was closer to God than ever before through my relationship with Holy Spirit. This was a miracle, for her fear had been changed to love as I learned to let go of needing her to give me the love I’d always wanted and instead chose to be love. I will never, ever forget and will remain forever grateful and thankful for the holy instant when she told me a year before falling ill, “This house is always so much better when you’re here.” In that instant, my entire past with her was healed and released and to this day, I keep my promise to her to remember only the happy times.

During this time, my firstborn, my rock, my Danielle had graduated from college and had been accepted to teach in France that fall. By then, I was quite aware of Holy Spirit working miracles, changing my life-long thought that I didn’t have a right to be to thoughts of accepting that I most certainly did, and that this is my dream so I can make it as happy as I chose to. This worked for me! It’s what prepared me to take the reins and commit to traveling to France to visit Danielle for two weeks at Christmas time.

I will never forget how I marveled at how much fear I’d been healed of by that time, just a few years after becoming a student of ACIM. This trip was Holy Spirit’s confirmation, not only in that I was not afraid to ask my husband for the funding to take this trip, let alone to take it without him, but that Holy Spirit planned my entire 2-week itinerary, including Germany, Austria and Switzerland in addition to my beloved France! It took less than 2 hours on my laptop to arrange it, lodging and all. There’s no way I did that! You may recall from my previous articles that I had always feared not knowing how or what to do. I will also share here that all my life I have been terrified of asking for what I need and/or want, for I always met with resistance and often with irritation and anger. Clearly, this reflected my guilt and fear for thinking I separated from God then tried to usurp His power. How dare I ever ask for anything?!

Not only did Holy Spirit give me the miracle I was entitled to in making this trip happen but I received the miracle of my husband’s financial generosity as an expression of love, despite the unknown state of our marriage, for he wouldn’t deny me this opportunity to be with the only person who brought me joy by always reflecting my true Self back to me, my Danielle. It seems my relationship with her has always been holy and this trip was a miraculous healing to a year of painful separation and loss in the illusion of my mom’s transitioning and Danielle’s going to live in France for seven months, both leaving me alone with Tom and Stephanie.

Follow along in Part 5 for the miracles I experienced when with Danielle in Europe, which led me to living the miraculous life I am now. ❦

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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