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October-December, 2020

Body of Proof

Rev. Paula Richards, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

A number of years ago, I developed a cellulitis (an infection that can quickly become life-threatening if left untreated) just above my left ankle. Because I had mistakenly let my health insurance lapse, I didn’t bother going to the doctor. Rather quickly, the area turned into a nasty open wound that was quite painful and literally took months to heal. When I finally saw my physician and told her about it, she scolded me. “You could have died!” she said.    

A few years later, like before, I began noticing a warm, red spot that was very tender above my other ankle. Not taking any chances, I called my doctor’s office. She was not working that day so I agreed to see another physician whom I had never met. He was very quick to dismiss my suspicion that I had another cellulitis. He not only disagreed with me, but he did so with a great deal of arrogance. I left his office angry and sporting an “I’ll show him!” attitude.  

For the next few days, I kept watching and waiting for the sore spot to get worse. I actually began to hope that it would. I kept visualizing myself with an open wound, limping past that arrogant man into my regular doctor’s office and telling her my tale of woe — how I was misdiagnosed and mistreated and how much I was now suffering because of it. I was not only aiming to prove him wrong, to my horror, I suddenly realized that I was more than willing to suffer in order to do that!  

It was such an Ah-ha moment for me! This is what A Course in Miracles has been telling me all along. We are willing to suffer and sacrifice for the sake of proving our bodily existence real. We aren’t doing it consciously. But once we do become aware of our motive, we can begin to see and understand how our suffering is a choice we are making as opposed to something that is happening to us.  

Thankfully, I did not have another cellulitis and I certainly stopped entertaining the thought that I did! Whatever the “cause,” the soreness disappeared within a few days. I am very grateful, though, that I had that experience and the deep understanding it afforded me. Once again, what I saw as adversity became a great lesson in self-awareness.  

What Will It Take?

One day, at the assisted living facility where I used to work, one of the memory-impaired residents entered a bedroom and closed the door. The problem was, it wasn’t her room. When the housekeeper pointed out the woman’s mistake to her, the resident became belligerent and barricaded the door. 

From the shared living room where I was giving a presentation, I could watch what was going on. None of the staff, nor the woman’s grown daughter who had been called in, were having any luck convincing her that room was not her home. Because they were being gentle and trying not to frighten her, the problem still had not been resolved when I left a half-hour later. 

On my ride home, I began thinking how perfectly that situation mirrors what I am experiencing as I study A Course in Miracles. The Course tells me repeatedly that this body that I believe I reside in is not my real home. That my true home is at one with God in Spirit — not in the world of form. It teaches this slowly and gently through 365 daily lessons so as not to overwhelm or frighten me. 

As much as I swear that I want to know and live the truth, my defenses go up, and I dig in my heels. This body must be my home! I can see it, feel it, and touch it. I seem to be able to attack with it or be attacked. I have to protect it and feed it. I experience pain with it. On and on it goes — the Course reminding me of the truth, and me inventing one scenario after another to disprove it, afraid to let go of the image I have made, unwilling to admit I might be wrong. 

I wonder what it finally took to convince that woman that the territory she was so staunchly defending was not her home. 

I wonder what it will take to convince me.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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