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July - September, 2006

Defensiveness Is an Attack On Myself

Rev. Joan Haber

I utilize defensiveness when I want to be “right” rather than happy.

Defensive behavior is unnerving and unpleasant to be around. When I see it in others I can identify it quite easily and understand that the defensive person is just in a temporary state of fear and is lashing out.

When I engage in defensiveness I am able to see that I am making a choice to be defensive. It seems to be a security blanket for me at times. It is a way to keep threatening people at arms length.

As A Course in Miracles says in the introduction: “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” So, when I am feeling threatened, I am protecting something that is not real. That something is my sense of control of situations, my stability in this unstable world. Of course, this defensive behavior cannot protect me from any perceived threat. It only serves to keep me separate, alone, hostile and fearful. I am actually the one who is threatening others with my defensiveness. I am guarding my fears like a ferocious cornered animal.

I can feel what defensiveness does in my body. It causes all sorts of dis-ease within me. I have chosen to be “right” and now must defend it to the death!
Then a miracle occurs. I ask God to help me choose again and this time I choose happiness. I drop my defenses and trust that I will be OK. I will be more than OK, I will be walking in the Light of God, serene in the knowledge that I am safe and whole. I choose defenselessness and the freedom that comes with that choice is liberating. No one is threatening me anymore, people are responding to my light and I express unconditional love towards myself and others, with no effort whatsoever. What is this miracle? How can all this turn around in a split second? Miracle principle #34 explains this for me: “Miracles restore the mind to its fullness. By atoning for lack they establish perfect protection. The spirit’s strength leaves no room for intrusions.” I am just in awe of this process and I am grateful for the miracles that I receive in spite of my ego’s best efforts to block their awareness.

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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