Miracles News

Tweet

October-December, 2018

Fear and Choice

by Rev. Michael Graves, O.M.C.

Hello Mighty Companions!

I have come to love sitting down to write something without even a clue as to what will come. To be honest, it used to terrify me. I wouldn’t even start unless I had a clear roadmap of what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. I felt totally responsible for the content and there was this feeling that it had to be seen by others as “good” or “helpful” etc. No ego influence there, right?

The funny thing is, what would end up coming out seldom resembled what “I” had planned to write. As I began to write, I could feel the flow of the Spirit, and It felt so wonderful that I was willing to abandon “my” plan and follow His.

Spirit knew that I needed to have a plan to feel comfortable enough to get started and knew that I would follow the Flow once it began. Today, rather than be hard on myself for needing to feel comfortable enough to start, I choose to feel happy and joyful that I could actually recognize and eventually follow Spirit’s inspiration.

This is relatively new behavior for me. My personal history includes a lot of perfectionism and the subsequent self-condemnation and judgment it brings. Many of the courses in the Pathways of Light ministerial training program taught me that with just a small adjustment in perception and a willingness to see things differently, I could see the “good or positive” side of things. The things Spirit saw and knew were always there in any situation.

It is abundantly clear to me now how much of my life I lived in the fear of getting started or making a decision in general. There is a line in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that says: “Fear… our lives are shot through with it.” I know that it was true for me for a long time, but now I understand why. Lesson 47 titled, “God is the strength in which I trust” was very helpful in understanding why I seemed to be so afraid of everybody and everything in the world. “If you are trusting in your own strength, you have every reason to be apprehensive, anxious and fearful.” (W-pI.47.1) 

As helpful as it was to see why I was so fearful, I really needed a way out. I needed Jesus to show me how I could do it differently, even though I had a pretty good idea by now. His help came in the form of a passage from the Text: “When you have learned how to decide with God, all decisions become as easy and as right as breathing. There is no effort, and you will be led as gently as if you were being carried down a quiet path in summer. Only your own volition seems to make deciding hard. The Holy Spirit will not delay in answering your every question what to do. He knows. And He will tell you, and then do it for you. You who are tired will find this is more restful than sleep.” (T-14.IV.6)

And my very favorite passage in the Course from Chapter 20: “You may wonder how you can be at peace when, while you are in time, there is so much that must be done before the way to peace is open. Perhaps this seems impossible to you. But ask yourself if it is possible that God would have a plan for your salvation that does not work. Once you accept His plan as the one function that you would fulfill, there will be nothing else the Holy Spirit will not arrange for you without your effort. He will go before you making straight your path, and leaving in your way no stones to trip on, and no obstacles to bar your way. Nothing you need will be denied you. Not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it. You need take thought for nothing, careless of everything except the only purpose that you would fulfill.” (T-20.IV.8) 

For me, this was the right message at the right time. All I had to do was ask and be willing to receive the answer. If I am to take Jesus at his word, then in Truth, I truly need DO nothing. Now I understand that statement from the Course. It used to baffle me. But then, so did a lot of what I read in the beginning. I think that is why T-14.IV.6 starts with “When you have LEARNED,” instead of “Just decide with God dummy!” My confusion and lack of understanding used to be frightening but now when I am “baffled” I can just step back, relax and let Spirit do its work, confident that I have done mine. And today, I know the difference.

I have learned that there is really only one “Truth” and it can be found virtually everywhere if I am open to seeing it. The key word being “open.” The Course has the line in it that essentially says to forget what we know and “think” we know and even forget the Course and come with open hands to God. In the Bible it says, “Be ye as little children.” Zen Buddhism refers to the Zen mind or beginners mind. In many eastern traditions it is said, “Come with an empty rice bowl and let the wisdom of the universe fill it up.”

There is another line in the big book of AA that basically says: God either is or He isn’t. I see this statement as a call to choose. And for me, my choice has made all the difference.

I have discovered that my life runs much smoother and I am the most effective when this “choice” is made on a moment by moment basis and not just when something seems to be going wrong or like we say in 12-step programs, when my butt is falling off. Even while writing this article I’m hearing “take a little break, go outside.” Of course I’m thinking, “But I need to get this done!”

So I stop what I’m doing, get up, go outside or whatever seems to be right at the time and leave the rest to Spirit. As “spiritual” as I think this practice is, it is actually quite practical when I look a little deeper. If I was lost in a forest and all I could see was trees, how would I know how to get out? If I relied on my limited mind to guide me, I might be 50 yards from being out without knowing it and suddenly think, “I should probably turn left and go in that direction for a while.” 

Or, I could choose to ask for help in that moment. I like to think of God as a guy in a helicopter (above the battleground) and I have a VHF two way radio (prayer) clipped to my belt. If I choose to, I can use my radio and say (pray), “Mike to God. God here, go ahead (He always answers). Hey, how do I get out of here?  All I can see is trees.”  “Oh, it’s easy, you are just 50 yards from the edge. Go straight ahead and you will pop out right next to the parking lot where your truck is!”

Ok, who wouldn’t make that call to the guy in the helicopter? Me, that’s who.   

I have done it a thousand times and I’m sure I will forget at some point and do it again. That’s just the way it is and I don’t have to beat myself up about it because I can simply “choose again.” Now let’s look at what the ego might tell me in that situation if I were to choose its voice. “You don’t need any help. You are a smart guy and a former scoutmaster for crying out loud! Use your training! If you don’t know how to get out of here who does?” Hearing that question, Spirit whispers, “I do.” Again, I am at choice. Which voice will I choose and follow? Seems simple but we all know it is not always so clear.

So when life presents us with choices, which it always does, let us choose but choose mindfully.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this copyright notice and website address are included.

Tell a Friend

Printable Page

Back to main page of Miracles News.

Has this page been helpful to you?
Your contribution to support this site is greatly appreciated. To make a tax deductible contribution with a credit/debit card, click here.
Click here to donate from your PayPal account.
Or send a check to Pathways of Light, 12530 Lions Chase Court, Huntley, IL 60142.