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July-September, 2013

Feet First

by Rev. Vicki Rostant, O.M.C.

Sometimes I feel guilt around the fact that, even though in my heart I want to be healed, and I do put some effort into remembering I am free, I don’t make as much effort as I should; I don’t remember the truth as often as “I would like” and I despair that I’m getting nowhere closer to any healing. Then something happens that shows that Holy Spirit knows that there is willingness in my heart and that no effort is ever wasted.

Walking has always been my preferred form of exercise. I walk for hours to and from appointments, volunteering, shopping, enjoying the day, etc., when time allows. Several months ago, I started having heel pain in my left foot, which slowly progressed to the entire sole of the foot and walking became slightly uncomfortable. I say “slightly” because that initial discomfort was minor to what came later. I noted it and waited for it to run its course and go away. It didn’t. Over the summer, busy having fun, I did not pay it much attention. However, going to the bathroom during the night, and getting out of bed in the morning, I could barely put my foot down due to the heel pain, and the hobbling for the first few minutes was comical. After a few minutes, I could resume normal walking, but the discomfort was always there.

Through research, I thought that it might be heel spurs. In the early fall I saw a podiatrist, who confirmed that it was plantar fasciitis. Recommendations included: stretching the calf muscle, applying ice to the sole of the foot, rubbing the foot on rollers, not going barefoot and wearing specially padded and supportive footwear. I practiced all the above. I purchased expensive sandals with maximum padding for use in my work (Shiatsu massage), which I usually did in bare feet. I bought expensive walking shoes, and high-priced inner-soles for my winter boots.

Somewhere along the way (pun intended!), discomfort also started in the right foot, though not the heel pain that continued to plague the left foot. There were periods when there was a burning sensation in both feet. I continued to walk to where I volunteer for Meals on Wheels — 45 minutes each way. I’m the runner, so I was going to and from the car, taking the meals to the clients. Interestingly, with the proper footwear, I was able to do that and all my usual activities, however, next day, both feet were usually so sore, they did not want to be walked on, especially in the first few minutes after getting up from a sitting or lying position. This was the situation, on and off, for about three months.

One evening I was at a client’s home doing a treatment. As I walked around the massage table working on different parts of her body, there was discomfort in both feet. This slowly intensified, to become very painful and uncomfortable. About half-way through the treatment, the pain and discomfort became more intense and I was in despair. I had a vision of not being able to walk without pain or ever be able to walk bare-footed again. It was horrible. At the horror of this vision, something rose up strongly in me that would not accept that possibility. I heard, very clearly, the words, “I refuse to accept the concept of the reality of pain.” Almost immediately, there was relief in both feet. As I continued the treatment, I marveled at the miracle that had occurred, and by the end of the treatment, and during the time after, when I stayed and visited with her, there was no discomfort at all.

In that moment of clarity with Holy Spirit, that declaration of freedom changed my perspective about what was happening. I had totally identified with the body and its operation. As Rev. Myron Jones said in her Miracles News article, “Good News! Pain is not real! “I have a belief in pain and suffering in my mind and that belief is being projected on the body.” I had forgotten that basic premise that the body is an ego construct of illusion designed to keep me distracted, in myriad ways, from remembering the truth about myself, that I am safe and at home, at one with Love. This blessing brings me a step closer to healing the false belief that what the body is experiencing is the truth about myself.

Now, I am no longer defined by that body condition. No longer do my fears about the condition — my worry about the future effects of the condition; my focus on “fixing” the condition — rule my thoughts. I did not realize to what extent my thoughts had been ruled this way until after this miracle happened and I felt the relief of no longer being in the grip of those fears.

Now, a couple of months later, has all my discomfort vanished? No. Do I still do stretching exercises? Yes. Am I still making sure I wear the right footwear for my walking sojourns? Yes. Are there times when my left heel lets me know that it’s not happy? Yes. However, even as I go through the motions of taking care of the perceived needs of the body, I feel detached from the effects of what is going on in the body, and this is the miracle. In that moment when the pain was becoming unbearable, it was clear that there was a decision to be made — fall down the rabbit hole of the drama, or choose to say “No! There is a better way!” I do not think the specific words are important. All I know is, in that moment, a choice for Love was made, and there was healing. I give Thanks.

P.S. Isn’t it interesting that it takes 959 words to rattle on about the problem, and the healing came in 11 words? You have to laugh!

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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